Dumb
Dubm Social Customs
[We look at beliefs held by people in earlier societies to be
dumb dubm, foolish and blatantly false. Yet we confidently hold our
own beliefs to be obviously true – at least we won’t be around in a few hundred
years to hear them laughing at us! So let’s look backwards – to prior dubm
social customs…]
• Among ancient Persians, only the king had the right to use an umbrella to ward
off sun or rain. Two thousand years later, the royalty of Siam maintained their
rankings through umbrella status: the higher you stood among the elite, the
larger your umbrella, and the wider the decorative rings;
• Among some African tribes, kissing was viewed as a threat of cannibalism
because smooching reminded people of the way snakes would tongue victims before
dining upon them;
• Among the ancient Maori, it was believed that scratching the head could
release the soul from the body. When you scratched your head, you immediately
had to sniff your spirit back into your skull by putting your fingers up your
nose;
• Among the Berber tribes of North Africa, parents arranged marriages for
daughters as young as ten. After a five-day wedding ceremony, the young couple
was divorced so the daughter could marry someone else;
• Among the people of northern Spain, a village’s babies were placed on the
ground and a man, symbolizing the dangers infants face in life, leaped over
them. If he landed on the other side without landing on the babies, that
symbolized their safe passage through the early years. If he didn’t. it didn’t;
• At the height of their civilization, Romans considered stuffed mice a dinner
delicacy;
• For centuries, until Magellan’s ships circumnavigated the world, Europeans
believed that no people could possibly live on the other side of the earth, even
if it was round. If there were people on the other side of the earth, they
wouldn’t be able to see Jesus arrive at the Second Coming. Since God wanted
everyone to witness that event at the same time, He wouldn’t allow people to
live out of sight of it;
• For most of recorded history, Europeans wrote without vowels. Reading was
guesswork. For example, the English word 'grnd' could mean grand, grind, or
ground. Vowel guesswork was haphazard and a silly method of writing for people
trying to communicate. But the Europeans compounded their thickness by writing
their sentences crammed together without spaces between the words;
• For thousands of years, comets were presumed to be condensations of people’s
sins. That’s why they brought pestilence, famine, war, and the death of kings;
• If September is the ninth month in our calendar year, why does September mean
seven in Latin? We also get October, November and December wrong, since in Latin
they respectively mean eight, nine and ten… Back then, March used to be the
first month of the year… and when the first month of the year was changed to
January, the names of the last 4 months weren’t changed…;
• In Alexandria in the 2nd century there was a law against women tricking men
into marriage by applying makeup to deceive the men about their looks… in our
age, men trick women into marriage by asking them!
• In ancient Ireland, before a king was crowned, he took a bath in the broth
prepared from a boiled horse;
• In colonial America, people thought they could cure stomach aches by placing
big boots on their bellies;
• In Medieval France, priests and judges maintained that animals could be
possessed by Satan. On the gallows in the French countryside, cows and pigs were
hung by the neck until dead to release the devil within. Because the meat of
convicted stock was sinful, cow corpses were burned – not butchered. Thus,
people starved while watching their farm animals slaughtered but not used for
food;
• In Medieval times, when people ate out of a common dish, it was considered
uncouth to gnaw on a bone and then throw it back in the pot for others to pick
at. It was also considered low class to spit across the table or blow your nose
on the tablecloth;
• In some African cultures, a woman’s sex appeal was determined by the size and
shape of the gap between her upper 2 front teeth. Some women, unlucky enough to
be born gapless, would file down their teeth to achieve a gappy look;
• In the 12th century, Europeans believed that trees gave birth to birds;
• In 13th century Germany, knights would enter riddle contests that were as
serious as jousts. Just as a loser in a tilt often lost his life, so a knight
who could not answer a riddle was often put to death;
• In 16th century Italy, a proper gentleman did not wash his hands after
relieving himself because the washing would remind decent people of the business
he had just been about;
• In the 17th century, pointed table knives were declared illegal in France –
Cardinal Richelieu was offended by the sight of uncouth diners picking their
teeth with their knife points. That’s why, in our time, we use knives with
rounded ends at the table;
• In 17th century Europe, sneezing was considered a sign of good breeding.
That’s why members of the upper class started sniffing snuff – to promote
sneezing so they could demonstrate their superiority;
• In the 17th and 18th centuries, rich men showed their class stature by shaving
all the hair off their heads, then donning elaborate powdered wigs. The wigs
were often made from the hair of dead poor people, which was the cheapest way
for wig makers to gather supplies;
• In the 18th century, English judges would test accused witches by drowning
them. If a woman was a real witch, the water would reject her… therefore, all a
woman had to do to prove her innocence was drown herself. Anyone who tried to
suggest that these women weren’t witches and that the Church should stop
torturing and killing women in the name of the Prince of Peace was tortured and
killed – in the name of the Prince of Peace;
• In the 18th century, the London hospital for the insane (called Bedlam),
raised money by charging Londoners admission to see cages filled with chained
prisoners – a human zoo;
• In the 18th century, fashionable women sported wigs up to 4 feet high.
Hairdressers decorated these wigs with stuffed birds, fruit plates, and model
ships. To support such hair structures, women had to sleep sitting up. To hold
such elaborate hair sculptures together, the wigs were matted with lard. Since
women often wore the wigs continuously for months, the lard attracted insects
and mice;
• In the Middle Ages, Spanish nobles found Spanish ladies difficult to kiss
because the women always kept sharp toothpicks in their mouths all day and
night;
• In Victorian England, proper etiquette demanded that books written by women
not be shelved next to books written by men, unless the authors were married to
each other;
• Sailors in the Middle Ages believed that wearing rings in their ears would
save them from drowning if their ship sunk;
• Throughout the Middle Ages it was believed that certain kings had the power to
heal the sick by touch. IN 1684 a mass of the lame and ill gathered to be
touched by King Charles II of England. The crowd grew so large and eager for
kingly salvation that seven people were cured of their diseases by being
trampled to death;
• When high heels were invented in France in 1590, they were worn by men who
used them to assume a position of power over other men. Men soon found that
dominance was difficult to maintain when you were falling down after every other
step – so high heels were passed on to women, where they became a symbol of
sexual subservience. Upper-class women wore heels to demonstrate that they were
too rich to have to move. During the French Revolution, women abandoned their
heels as elitist. In a counter-revolutionary gesture, ballerinas started dancing
on their toes to simulate high heels;
• When tobacco was introduced to Europe in the 16th century, all gentlemen (and
some ladies) smoked the plant in pipes. Cigarettes were considered low class,
only smoked by beggars who couldn’t afford pipes.