HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher


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24-Apr-2018