HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi


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22-Jan-2018