HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke

People were never "living with their disease." We cured them. Or they died from it. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno


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17-Jun-2018