HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn


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23-Jul-2019