HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and the Cross of the Legion of Honor. - Andre Gide

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin


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18-Jan-2019