HMO Judgment Day

Medical accounting at the Pearly Gates


A Doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter appears to speak with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives.

Doctor:
“I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people.”
St. Peter:
“That’s great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you?”

Nurse:
“I have supported the Doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult...”
St. Peter:
“Wonderful. Please proceed in with the Doctor. And what about you?”

HMO Executive:
“I was the President of a very large Health Maintenance Organization and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.”
St. Peter:
“Oh, I see. Please go on in… but you can only stay 2 nights.”


QuotaBills
Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My basics are black, white, or neutral, and I'll wear a ton of jewelry or carry a brightly colored bag. - Rachel Zoe

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


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24-Nov-2017