Lawyer’s Valentine Gift

Soliciting lawyer taking care of business


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ’Guess who?’ ”

“But why?”

“I’m a divorce lawyer.”


QuotaBills
Divorce: fission after fusion. - Rita Mae Brown

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow. - Roseanne Barr

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Divorce = Rebirth: forget the past, replan your life, improve your appearance & rejuvenate! - Rossana Condoleo

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

Whether you're a homemaker or a schoolteacher, a lawyer or a doctor, a news anchor or an aerobics instructor, everyone is conducting business each and every day. - Donald Trump

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

The minister sees them half undressed; the doctor sees them naked. They lie to the minister; they masquerade before the lawyer; they cannot deceive the discerning physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. - Jay Leno

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it. - WC Fields

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown


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26-Jun-2017