Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Sage advice from the Psychiatrist...
Young man: “You’ve got to help me, I can’t stop thinking that I’m a goat!”
Psychiatrist: “And how long have you had this problem?”
Young man: “Ever since I was a kid.”
Distraught young woman: “Tell me, what would you say to a patient who thought
she was a set of drapes?”
Psychiatrist: “I’d tell her to pull herself together.”
Tanned man: “Oh, no – my skin is gold!”
Psychiatrist: “It’s nothing serious – just a gilt complex.”
Patient: “Ya gotta help me! Yesterday I thought I was a wigwam, and today I
think I’m a teepee!”
Psychiatrist: “Calm down. You’re just too tents.”
After several years of treatments, Mr. Kravitz decide his psychiatrist wasn’t
doing him a bit of good: he was broke now, whereas before he’d only been
cracked.
The psychiatrist closed the folder and stared at the patient on the other side
of the room.
“Yes, Mr. Patinson, I’m pleased to pronounce you one hundred percent cured.”
Mr. Patinson sighed, “Gee, that’s jus great.”
“I don’t understand. Aren’t you happy?”
“Why should I be,” Mr. Patinson shot back. “A year ago I was Genghis Khan. Now
I’m nobody.”
Bored with his life, the psychiatrist went back to school and became a
proctologist. He’s content now, dealing with odds and ends.