Quick Wit
Witty Response #1
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down
his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.
Witty Response #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't
find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Witty Response #3
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low
bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No sir, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
Witty Response #4
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench
coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."
Witty Response #5
A flight attendant made her way down the airplane aisle delivering dinner to the
passengers.
“What would you like, sir – tea or coffee?”
The man answered, “Hey, baby, aren’t you forgetting something?”
She replied, “No, sir, the first two are easier to make.”
Witty Response #6
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was booking a long
line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to
the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on
this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS. "
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've
got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something
out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind
him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout
the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the
United agent, gritted his teeth and swore at her.
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get
in line for that too."