Newleywed Sock Swallower

Apprehension about smelly feet


A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,“ but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While he is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”


QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. - Steven Wright

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled. - George Bernard Shaw

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller


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15-Dec-2018