Newleywed Sock Swallower

Apprehension about smelly feet


A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,“ but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While he is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”


QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

If I'm traveling, I'll pack socks in my bag - really cute furry ones. - Nicki Minaj

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. - Garrison Keillor

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


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29-May-2017