Newleywed Sock Swallower

Apprehension about smelly feet


A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,“ but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While he is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”


QuotaBills
Teeth are always in style. - Unknown

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. - Garrison Keillor

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle


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19-Sep-2019