Newleywed Sock Swallower

Apprehension about smelly feet


A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,“ but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While he is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”


QuotaBills
A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. - Steven Wright

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

If I'm traveling, I'll pack socks in my bag - really cute furry ones. - Nicki Minaj

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be. - Vincent Canby

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw


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22-Jul-2017