All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

She was nice to him on Valentine’s Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

Valentine’s Day – a nice holiday because it’s the first day of the rest of your wife.

Valentine’s Day is like Armistice Day – you declare a truce.

Valentine’s Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.