All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card - American Express.
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.
On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
She was nice to him on Valentine’s Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.
Valentine’s Day - a nice holiday because it’s the first day of the rest of your wife.
Valentine’s Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.
Valentine’s Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.
Milton Berle was born into a Jewish family in Harlem, New York in 1908. After winning a talent contest at age 5, he appeared as a child actor in several silent films. At age 12, Berle starred in the musical comedy Florodora in Atlantic City, and by 16, he was working as a Master of Ceremonies in vaudeville. In the 1930s, Berle worked as a standup comedian, film star, and radio star, and in the late '40s, Berle starred in the comedy-variety TV show Texaco Star Theater. Through this show, Milton Berle would become one of TV's first stars. After a long career on television, film, and stage, Berle died of colon cancer in 2002, at age 93.
Marriage & Valentine Sections
Milton Berle Quotes (Database)
Valentine’s Day Trivia
Why Stand In Line?
Shelf Ready Sleeper
Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Look At It This Way
The Ig Nobel Awards