Redneck Valentine Love Poems

Bubba’s prose is from da pros


Redneck Valentine Love Poem #1

Collards is green
my dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som’a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I’m in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo’re there fer yore man,
to patch up life’s troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin’.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me ’n you’s like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it’s romantic that way.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won’t do.
Cause yo’re too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT’S A NEW TROLLIN’ MOTOR!!!




Redneck Valentine Love Poem #2

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE;
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.



PAPPY TOLD HER, "SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER."



SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL;
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL,



YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER."



BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, "MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY,
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE -
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY."

QuotaBills
Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown


see also   Redneck  &  Valentine  Section
Redneck Genealogy Lesson
Redneck Thanksgiving
You Might Be A Redneck If...

Chicago Valentine
Childhood Romance
Crocodial Love
Choose Valentine
Happy Valentine’s Day to Our New Father
Happy vOWLentine’s Day
Lawyer’s Valentine Gift
My Valentine
Perfect Valentines Day
Pig Valentine
Religious Valentine
Romance Lost
She Loves Me ... She Loves Me Not
Texas Valentine
Unhappy Valentine’s Day
Valentine Heart
Valentine Love & Hisses
Valentine Not
Valentine One Liners
Valentine Riddles
Valentine Splash
Valentine’s Day Dinner
Valentine’s Day Trivia
Vera Valentine

 

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Old Traffic Jam

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11-Dec-2017