Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
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24-May-2018