Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
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21-Sep-2018