Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist

 

Life Is Beautiful

Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Crap Sale

Prairie Giraffe

Running Track

Move Over Car

Bacon Pancakes

King Kong vs Godzilla

Juicy Bacon

Baconurkey

I Love Thanksgiving

Tree of Dreams

2fer Sudoku Puzzles I

Spider Cookies

Chicken Photobomb

Transformer Fire - 'Spreading' The Risk

Desert Soccer Fans

Secure Your Load

3D Bankrupty

One
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

21-Nov-2017