Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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22-Apr-2019