Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Canada, eh!
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions
people from all over the world are asking

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: No, but you’d better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes. What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattlesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled - they make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, B.C. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: How do you pronounce Canada?
A: C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

Q: What’s that machine that farmers harvest wheat with in Canada?
A: Concubines

see also   Canada  Section

Creature comforts are included on Bubba's mobile van holidays
Redneck Road Trip
Passing a spell check program with a few caveats
Ode To A Spell Checker
Putting things in perspective
Fish View
Sometimes it doesn't pay to take your work home with you
Overly Ambitious Employee
Now On Sale for those who give a hoot!
2016 Hooters Owl Calendars (TWO)
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Potpourri #41
Word Search Puzzles
Firefighter fights fires with canine assistance
Dalmation Firefighter
How to avert the baby stork delivery
Vintage Birth Control
When you gotta go, go low
I Think I'll Hold It
Latest Quad (Hyper) Sudoku Puzzle: #15318
Quad (Hyper) Sudoku
The new amphibious model
How nurses deal with stupid
You Can't Fix Stupid
Little Johnny was a real handful when he was young
Grapefruit Kid
Bubba provides mooving hairstyles for his cattle
Texas Cow Cleaner
Advertising 101 from a Ballet marketer
Classic Ballet Ad
Bubba gets a kick out of his Ninja
Redneck Kickstand
Finding the illusive trophy deer
What Buck?
Submissions by Phoebe Moll,Raub, North DakotaFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


Lipstick Dog
Car Paint
Explain This To Your Bo ...
Insect Wine Glass
Electrical Box Extensio ...
Broken Lawn Mower
Either The Cat or Husba ...
Brick Load
Hurricane Isabel @ Sea: ...
Hurricane Wilma
Ethiopian Math
Missed Palm Sunday
When A Sure Goal Is Not ...
Redneck Humour
Ring Around The Toilet
Bungee Mouse - Meal On ...
Golden End of the Rainb ...
Making Music Together
Peeping Tom
Feel-Good Story of the ...
Camouflage Practice
Dog Beer Conversion
Mexican Salad Dressing
Halo to the Holy Dog
Weight Loss Guaranteed
Why Italians Don't Like ...
Pencil Puzzle
Think Safety First
Newfie DVD Rewinder
Mane Spray
Whale Tale
Walk Sign Timing
Cat Doormat
Dam Good Response!
Punjabi Airways
Flower Shop For Men
Dog Terrace
Submarine Racing
Bike Bed
Red Skelton Quotes
Center Of The Bible
Things To Bring
Redneck Hood Ornament
Christmas Light Apology
Worst Halloween Decorat ...
Out Of Gas
Snowbound Train
Wrong Email Address
Dead Poirot
Apathetic Ignorance
Instant Antidepressant
Child Prodigy
Egg Hatch Breakfast
Zip Line Mouse
You're CuTe
Backwoods Birth
Inflationary Language
Not-So-Bald Eagle
Bacon And Eggs Mug
Wrong Email Address
Copy Cats
Zipper Scar Tattoo
Watered Down Illusion
Follow Me Sandals
Bear Boots
Egg Hatch Breakfast
Female IT Experts
Dynamite Cure For Empty ...
What's That Smell?
Obama's Stimulus Progra ...
Snake Leather
Waiting For Dinner
Redneck Airlines
How Babies Are Made In ...
Holiday Songs for the D ...
Exercise Helps Pregnanc ...
Smooth Leaning Shoes
'Beat The Tram' - Doubl ...
Toronto Maple Leafs - N ...
Motorcycle Taxi
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tombstone Epitaphs
Step Child
Cowboy Tombstone
Keyboard Running Shoes
Australian Sheep Farm - ...
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Hot Tub Heater
No More Arguing