joe-ks.com

CA NA DUH
Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Canada, eh!
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions
people from all over the world are asking


Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: No, but you’d better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes. What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattlesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled - they make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, B.C. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: How do you pronounce Canada?
A: C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

Q: What’s that machine that farmers harvest wheat with in Canada?
A: Concubines



see also   Canada  Section

Where hotmail first got its moniker
Microwave Mailbox
And the biggest and best is yet to come!
Blonde's Cooking Diary
My boss's idea of going on a holiday
Calculator Flip Flops
A birthday greeting to hold on to
Cheap Birthday Card
Runs on corn...just like joe-ks.com!
Hillbilly Cowasaki Motorcycle
Tips for building a lasting and loving relationship
A Good Woman
When one snowball is not cute enough
Snowball Dogs
Walking through history in Budapest, Hungary
Shoes On The Danube Bank
Where is the center of your faith?
Center Of The Bible
How children boast about Daddy's job
My Dad Works With Snakes
Making the best of a wet situation
Flood Float
Bell curve pain relief for those on a rising dollar bed
Back Pain
What goes round comes round
Circle Of Fear
New position open in Oshawa for a Dentician
GM's Scratch and Dent Sale
Pointing out those who are not G8 leaders
Political Irony
Little Johnny goes swimming on his summer holidays
Swim Vacation
Where food was first made in Newfoundland
Garden of Eat'En
Submissions by Phoebe Moll,Raub, North DakotaFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

01-Sep-2014

QR Code

G'Oldies

Make Loaf Not War
Illusionary
Honey, I Blew Up My Lun ...
Cat Artist
Service
Safe Bike
Insults With Class
Harley House
High-Wire Act Violin
Beltometer
Redneck Bird Dogs
Bacon And Eggs Mug
Football's For Girls
Free Dog
Meccano Shoe
Life Expectancy Test
Sick Tombstone
Maybe My Job Is Not So ...
Smiley Pumpkin
Field of Dreams
Hydrant Dog: Rise and F ...
Abandon Ship - Japanese ...
Not-So-Bald Eagle
Owlympics Bobsled
Redneck Engagement Ring
Plane Loses Propeller
Spider Car with Escape ...
Sleeping Pets on Dog an ...
Fat Monkey Sculpture
CA NA DUH
Stringing Along
George Costanza's Tips ...
Lie Clock
Keyboard Escape
Chain Gang Message 4U
Redneck Sprinkler
Redneck Mirror
Dehydrated Water
Women Drivers!
Find The Imposter
Transformer Fire - 'Spr ...
Mosquito Hordes
Attending To Business
What Women Won't Want f ...
Redneck Wedding
Bach Scratching
Overloaded Train Ride - ...
How Was The Holiday?
Master Tradesmen
Elephant Nest
Why We Live in Texas
Ballet Tree
Camo Golf Balls
Operating Room Scraps
Eagle Catch (@ t-1)
Migratory Bird Tags
Waiting For Windows To ...
Geek Breakfast
Short NFL Quarterbacks
New National Symbol for ...
Wicked Wok Catch
'Reach For The Top' Roo ...
Fly Art
Bread Slice
Street Cleaning in Chin ...
French Kissing - Wise A ...
Working Past 65
Texas Three-Kick Rule
New Coffee Cup
Serengeti Tug of War
Y'Allbonics
Which Switch?
To Catch A Coin Thief
Signal Hill Wireless
Uplifting Tooth Extract ...
Teenage Independence
Tree Hugger's Environme ...
Unger Games
St. Peter's Politics
Horse Drawn Carriage
Don't Be A Stick In The ...
Things That Took Me Ove ...
Robin Williams Quotes
Don't Forget Her Specia ...