joe-ks.com

CA NA DUH
Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Canada, eh!
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions
people from all over the world are asking


Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: No, but you’d better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes. What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattlesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled - they make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, B.C. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: How do you pronounce Canada?
A: C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

Q: What’s that machine that farmers harvest wheat with in Canada?
A: Concubines



see also   Canada  Section

How to attract consumers with do-it-yourself marketing
Customers Wanted
Latest Greek Sudoku Puzzle #: 14685
Greek Sudoku Puzzles
Why Banff is known for its Art culture
Banff Limo
Setting high standards for campers
Tower of Hammocks
Where Marconi RECEIVED the 1st Transatlantic Wireless Signal
Signal Hill Wireless
Hare-e High Five Easter celebration
Hare Five
Looking for bare bones riders
Taxidermist Bike
Doctor's second opinion comes in 'handy'
Redneck Vasectomy
When men make cookies
Men's Cookies
Beware of Identity Theft
Identity Theft
Latest Sudoku Sampler Puzzles: #14680-83
Sudoku Sampler
New giant squirrel species caught on film
Bull Squirrel
You're no bunny 'til some bunny loves you!
2015 Bunny Calendar
What happens when Easter Eggs hatch
Easter Egg Drop-outs
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Palm Sunday
Word Search Puzzles
Sign from Skandihoovian religious nuts
Da End Iss Near
Bubba takes his portable platter with him on road trips
Redneck License Plate
Submissions by Phoebe Moll,Raub, North DakotaFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

30-Mar-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

Redneck Spaghetti
Christmas Laser Light S ...
Tire Trike
Edinburgh Fringe Festiv ...
Breeding Bulls
How To Make Holy Water
Ice Fishing in Wisconsi ...
2015 Bunny Calendar
Bus Head Rest
Don't Touch My Bone!
Where To Now?
Stealth Cat
Hole In One
Life Observations
'Looking Good' Wireless
Football's For Girls
Pizza Sleeping Bag
Hot Dogs
Why We Live in Texas
Cheap Home Alarm System
A Woman's Poem
Stork Delivery
Norad Santa Tracking on ...
Redneck Occupation
Cheap Windshield Repair
Philosophy 101 - The Ch ...
Happy Sky
Halloween Warning
Meat Loaf
The Joe-kster Working O ...
Why's - Things That Mak ...
Hunting Dog Walks On Wa ...
Staff Notice - Somethin ...
Sans Seatbelt
Looking Ahead
Fireman Ladder
Newspaper Bloopers
Redneck Fire Hose Rodeo
Scrabble Tombstone
Shampoo Warning
Motorcycle Grind
Canadian Knowledge Quiz
Almond Treats For The B ...
Florida Bird Flu
See-Thru Windows
Redneck Pertection
Monster Truck Pull
Microsoft Office Window ...
Snail Time
Pinocchio Playground
Book Collector's Search ...
Fake Carolina Drawl
Flare Guns and Skydivin ...
12 Days of Christmas - ...
A Woman's Mind
How To End Unemployment
How Sweet It Is!
Driving in Bolivia
No Fee Chinese Detectiv ...
French Joe-k Translator
How To Prevent Cheating
Horsing Around
Scratch-Off Parking Tic ...
Balanced Writer
Redneck GPS
How To Cook A Deer
Trivia Sudoku
Rubik's Cube Puzzle-Mea ...
1954 Prom Queen
Garage Door Opener
Lumex Pigtail
Salmon Fight - Only the ...
Pressing Art
France Weather Forecast
Redneck Math
'Don't Mess With Me' Do ...
Stooletto Heels
Grass Pinch
Morse Code Portrait Ill ...
Straight From The Cow
Great Minds of History
An Evening Prayer
Why Women Stay Single
Cop Chase