Why I Didn't Show Up For Work
“I had
twelve bottles of whisky in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of
each bottle down the sink or else. So I said I would, and proceeded with the unpleasant
task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the drain with the
ecception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did
likewise, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, with
the exception of one glass, which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth sink and
poured the bottle down the glass which I drank; pulled the bottle from the cork of the
next and drank one sink out of it and threw tho rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out
ot the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the
glass, bottled the drank and drinked the pour. When I had every one emptied, I steadied
the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, and glasses, and sinks with the
other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again and finally had all
the houses in one bottle which I drank.
I was not under tho alcofluence of incohol, as some theople pink I was.
I was not as thunk as you might drink. I felt so feelish, I didn't know who was me, and
the drunker I stood thero the longer I got.”