Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks
The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Airplane, Nationality, Safety & Stress Sections
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Canadian High Five
African Car Wash
Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles A
Fowl Soccer Coach
Zidane Is Fast
Shoes On The Danube Bank
Leading By Example