Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca
Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau
If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova
The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash
The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
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