Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb
I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke
Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams
Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau
If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams
Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi
Airplane, Nationality, Safety & Stress Sections
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Walkway To Heaven
Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile
Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers
Under The Weather
My Sweet Potato
Who Needs a Guard Dog?
My Next Life
Redneck Camera Phone
Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles
Mary Go Round
City Beach Castle