Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Redneck Airlines

 

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22-Feb-2018