Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb
As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke
Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova
The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb
You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
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