Punjabi Airways
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime
I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not
guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may
even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so
high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing
that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their
destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the
requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy
to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them
off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea
and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there
really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to
record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to
Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early
warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under
your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts
to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best
view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot
sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt.
For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of
your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch
with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding.
Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!