Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
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26-Apr-2018