Pizza Order in 2020

Order tracking in the future


Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”


QuotaBills
No, it's all in perfect working order. - Spike Milligan

Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour

In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order. - Cary Grant

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus

In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. - Dalai Lama

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso

In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

It is not necessary to hope in order to undertake, nor to succeed in order to persevere. - Charles the Bold

You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth

In order to be big, you have to think big. If you think small, you're going to be small. - Emeril Lagasse

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke

The capitalist chain is again threatening to break at the weakest link. Spain is next in order. - Leon Trotsky

She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake

Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard

In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. - Richard Bach

Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell

Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir

Businesses should follow and learn from others' successes and failures in order to better understand and predict their own. - Ben Mezrich

The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle

A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

The difficulties which I meet with in order to realize my existence are precisely what awaken and mobilize my activities, my capacities. - José Ortega Y Gasset

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia


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23-Aug-2017