Pizza Order in 2020

Order tracking in the future


Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”


QuotaBills
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

No, it's all in perfect working order. - Spike Milligan

Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck

When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour

In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle

In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. - Robert Lynd

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. - Albert Einstein

I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx

In order for a thing to be horrible it has to suffer a change you can recognize. - Ray Bradbury

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso

You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. - Governor Grand Moff Tarkin

In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar

When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries

In order to be big, you have to think big. If you think small, you're going to be small. - Emeril Lagasse

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke

I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be. - Unknown

I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost

She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake

Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal

Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle

A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown

Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault


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30-Apr-2017