Pizza Order in 2020

Order tracking in the future


Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”


QuotaBills
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck

Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. - Henry Adams

In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir

We shall now proceed to construct the Socialist order. - Lenin

In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. - Robert Lynd

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth

The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx

In order for a thing to be horrible it has to suffer a change you can recognize. - Ray Bradbury

You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. - Governor Grand Moff Tarkin

In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

It is not necessary to hope in order to undertake, nor to succeed in order to persevere. - Charles the Bold

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries

You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke

I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost

Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard

Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith

Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault

The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes


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23-Mar-2017