Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Winners train, losers complain. - Unknown

Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

I you want to avoid battles, stay out of the grassy areas. - Pokemon

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat. - Herschel Walker

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. - Carl Jung

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

Change is one of the scariest things in the world and yet it is also one of those variables of human existence that no one can avoid. - Aberjhani

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
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25-Jun-2017