Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Winners train, losers complain. - Unknown

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers. - Cameroon Proverb

People who avoid their fears also avoid their power. - Timothy Roderick

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. - French Proverb

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. - Jean de La Fontaine

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat. - Herschel Walker

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. - Carl Jung

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common. - Satchel Paige

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

Change is one of the scariest things in the world and yet it is also one of those variables of human existence that no one can avoid. - Aberjhani

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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23-Apr-2018