Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publilius Syrus

People who avoid their fears also avoid their power. - Timothy Roderick

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

I you want to avoid battles, stay out of the grassy areas. - Pokemon

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. - Jean de La Fontaine

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect and flee from turn out to be the 'prima materia' from which all real growth comes. - Andrew Harvey

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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28-Apr-2017