Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Hire character. Train skill. - Peter Schutz

Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publilius Syrus

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

I you want to avoid battles, stay out of the grassy areas. - Pokemon

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. - Jean de La Fontaine

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat. - Herschel Walker

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

One of the endearing things about mathematicians is the extent to which they will go to avoid doing any real work. - Matthew Pordage

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

Change is one of the scariest things in the world and yet it is also one of those variables of human existence that no one can avoid. - Aberjhani

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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20-Aug-2017