Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers. - Cameroon Proverb

People who avoid their fears also avoid their power. - Timothy Roderick

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

I you want to avoid battles, stay out of the grassy areas. - Pokemon

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

One of the endearing things about mathematicians is the extent to which they will go to avoid doing any real work. - Matthew Pordage

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

Change is one of the scariest things in the world and yet it is also one of those variables of human existence that no one can avoid. - Aberjhani

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


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22-Mar-2017