Preparation for the 2004 Ski Season
[This is sent to remind skiers how to prepare for the
ski season and to remind non-skiers why they do not ski…]
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $40 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half
an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up;
9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski
boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are
looking for your car;
8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and
tighten a C-clamp around your toes;
7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away;
6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $7.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait
in the longest line;
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast
enough to make the ticket lacerate your face;
4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and
you're following an 18 wheel semi-trailer;
3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your
face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!
2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
because you have to go to the bathroom;
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.