NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who’ll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to
a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be,
“Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be
a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no.  On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing
since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?  7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

Lunch Break on a Hot Day

Super Bowl Lunch

Grampoline

Looks Like The Tide Is Coming In

Chinese Take Away	Engagement Rings for Engineers	Free Senior Citizens	Italian Cruise Ship Survey	Fire Truck Sinkhole
Introducing Baby West	Cabinet Bus	Bird Entrance	Hotel Annex	Motorcycle For Sale
Cross Inspector	Bus Shipwreck	Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile	Looping The Loop	Redneck Muffler Repair