Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.
“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re
all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.
There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main
dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety
system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.
Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure
would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I
vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes.
You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back
up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence
vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet,
sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s
Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive
those who sin against us, vich some people
say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may
interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all
the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.
Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the
coffee pot up front.
Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t
take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not
Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to
us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close.
Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor
There is no flying without wings. - French Proverb
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson
Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams
Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau
I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams
Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi
Amish Airlines – Maiden Voyage
Behind Curtain Number One
One More Drop
Made His Bed
Only In Canada - Nosey Moose
Wise Electricity Use
Redneck Ice Fishing
Skeletons In The Closet
Captive Audience Twins
Nailed It Baby