New Element in the Periodic Table

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet now available for “Woman” element



Hazardous Materials Woman Data Sheet

Element : WOMEN
Symbol : WO+
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained
at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact
with each other.

!! WARNING !!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE
FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS
ABOVE PROPERTIES ARE SHOWN BY ALL THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD.



QuotaBills
Flirting is conversational chemistry. - Isaac Mizrahi

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. - John Gray

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. - Kathy Lette

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx

Women's styles may change but their designs remain the same. - Oscar Wilde

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

He who has two women loses his soul. But he who has two homes loses his mind. - Ancient Proverb

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. - Steve Martin

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." - Steven Wright


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22-Jan-2018