[Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post
in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following of his words of wisdom...]
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He
kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full
of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the
closest our country has ever been to being even.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
An economist’s guess is liable to be as good as anybody else’s.
An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you have just found out.
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to
make them laugh.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate. What’s going to happen to us with
both a Senate and a House?
Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game - it, and high taxes.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Communism is like prohibition - it’s a good idea but it won’t work.
Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock.
Don’t gamble. Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it ’til it
goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have
rushed through life trying to save.
Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.
I don’t care how poor and inefficient a little country is - they like to run
their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I
am but, darn it, I’m not going to give her to ’em.
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to the south.
We could never understand why Mexico wasn’t just crazy about us, for we have
always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much
when it is a child as it does when it grows up.
If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could
not sit down for a week.
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
If you don’t make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year
with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make
sure it’s still there.
I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with 28
years ago.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
Liberty don’t work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town
gossip.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
Nothing you can’t spell will ever work.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in
the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
Politics is applesauce.
Rumor travels faster, but it don’t stay as long as truth.
Spinnin’ a rope is fun if your neck ain’t in it.
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can’t buy
enough to eat.
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what
is the matter - he’s got to just know.
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do
get ’em lowered enough so people can afford to pay ’em.
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did
they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most
prolific animals.
See what will happen if you don’t stop biting your fingernails?
The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do
is get up every morning and say, “How’s the President?”
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that
each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud
yourself.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your
pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by
observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for
themselves.
There is not a man in the country that can’t make a living for himself and
family. But he can’t make a living for them and his government, too, the way his
government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the
people.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working
for you.
There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, ad that is education.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the
baby gets hold of a hammer.
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they
go by.
We don’t know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.
You can’t say that civilization don’t advance... in every war they kill you in a
new way.
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
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