1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My life needs editing. - Mort Sahi
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker
The best things in life are silly. - Scott Adams
Sympathy is the charm of human life. - Grace Aguilar
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. - Neale Donald Walsh
I want my life to be something more than long. - Pippin
Life is the biggest bargain - we get it for nothing. - Yiddish Proverb
Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. Think well. - Danielle Pierre
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. - Will Rogers
The only way to enjoy anything in this life is to earn it first. - Ginger Rogers
Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. - Benjamin Franklin
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. - George Carlin
It's not the days in your life, but the life in your days that counts. - Brian White
Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research. - Carl Jung
There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate. - Robert Brault
There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life. - Thomas Henry Huxley
Most of the evils of life arise from man's inability to sit still in a room. - Blaise Pascal
Blessed is he who has found his life's work; let him ask no other blessedness. - Thomas Carlyle
I'd rather be a few pounds heavier and enjoy life than be worried all the time. - Drew Barrymore
Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life. - Adele Brookman
Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. - Ashleigh Brilliant
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland
I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker
It is the familiar that usually eludes us in life. What is before our noses is what we see last. - William Barrett
Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play and to look up at the stars. - Henry van Dyke
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - Sydney Harris
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. - Mark Twain
Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again. - Alex Tan
Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard
Except for a few guitar chords, everything I've learned in my life that is of any value I've learned from women. - Glenn Frey
To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. - T S Eliot
One of the most wonderful things about life is that we must regularly stop what we are doing and devote our attention to eating. - Samuel Johnson
Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Two important things are to have a genuine interest in people and to be kind to them. Kindness, I've discovered, is everything in life. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
When you forgive a wrongdoing, you give yourself peace of mind; you can go about your life with a feeling of serenity and be grateful again. - Unknown
I've missed more than 9,000 shots. I've lost almost 300 games. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. - Albert Camus
All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
Mid Road Parking Spot
Come And Go
iPhone Battery Life
British League of Pessimists
When You Gotta Go