1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Friends are the sunshine of life. - John Hay
Life is an adventure in forgiveness. - Norman Cousins
Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon
Without duty, life is soft and boneless. - Joseph Joubert
Life is better with fresh baked cookies. - Unknown
Children make you want to start life over. - Muhammad Ali
In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde
Is life worth living? That depends on the liver. - Unknown
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen
Life itself still remains a very effective therapist. - Karen Horney
Most of life is choices, and the rest is pure dumb luck. - Marian Erickson
The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy. - Angelina Jolie
You have to go through a lot of heartache in life to feel joy. - Doug Collins
Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck
I look at this life as a puzzle without all the pieces in the box. - Jonathan A. Burkett
Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
In life you have to rely on the past, and that's called history. - Donald Trump
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. - Walter Bagehot
The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite
What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee? - King Louis XV
In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown
My life is full of mistakes. They're like pebbles that make a good road. - Beatrice Wood
When you start recognising that you're having fun, life can be delightful. - Jane Birkin
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles
Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece. - Vladimir Nabokov
A nation which makes the final sacrifice for life and freedom does not get beaten. - Kemal Ataturk
Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg
Reason is not time only interpreter of life. The fountain of action is in time feelings. - Henry T. Tuckerman
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. - George Bernard Shaw
Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - W Somerset Maugham
If you are in the job for glamour, you're in for the shock of your life. The media is a huge shark pool. - Trisha Goddard
Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. - Robin Casarjian
Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee. - WC Fields
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. - Diane Ackerman
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
Why Stand In Line?
Shelf Ready Sleeper
Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Look At It This Way
The Ig Nobel Awards
Samurai Sudoku Puzzles E
Auto Warranty: New Extend-ed Coverage