1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Friends are the sunshine of life. - John Hay
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer
Don't go to the grave with life unused. - Bobby Bowden
Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead. - Hans Christian Andersen
Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan
You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. - Dallas Willard
In life as in dance: Grace glides on blistered feet. - Alice Abrams
Life is "trying things to see if they work". - Ray Bradbury
Hipness is not a state of mind, It's a fact of life. - Cannonball Adderley
Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated. - Confucius
Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. - Victor Hugo
Winners in life don't always win; they just don't give up. - Unknown
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. - Ron White
No matter what happens tomorrow, for the rest of my life, I'm happy now. - Bill Murray
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. - Les Brown
Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown
When you get to my age, life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. - John Mortimer
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. - Irish Saying
If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones
I can imagine few worse fates than walking around for the rest of one's life wearing a typo. - Anne Fadiman
That state of life is most happy where superfluities are not required and necessities are not wanting. - Plutarch
Well over eighty per cent of the human race goes through life without having a single original thought. - H L Mencken
One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. - Josh Billings
That best portion of a good man's life - his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. - William Wordsworth
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. - Thomas Merton
The whole trend and quality of anyone's life is determined in the long run by the choices that are made. - Norman Vincent Peale
Never try to impress a woman because if you do, you'll have to keep up that standard the rest of your life. - WC Fields
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. - Maya Angelou
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
You can't be afraid of getting old. Old is good, if you're gathering in life. Our band is good at understanding that equation. - Bruce Springsteen
How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and that I can't do - Abel Morales
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
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