Fatherly Advice

Dad & Son talk... be-fore it’s too late!


A father spoke to his son, “It’s time we had a little talk, my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you’ve never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You’ll be preoccupied and won’t be able to think of anything else.”

He added, “But don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal... it’s called golf.”


QuotaBills
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. - Tim Russert

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. - Jay London

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! - Lydia Child

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

Those who slew my father I drove into exile... and defeated them in battle. - Augustus

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

The Holy Father's newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on. - Archie Bunker

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

The most important thing my father taught me is that every man has to stand up for his rights. - Ziggy Marley

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I want to die like my father; peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers. - Bob Monkhouse

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

My father was a baker and a lot of people do what their families did and I could have done that but I wanted to stay in show business. - Christopher Walken

When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson


see also   Golf  Section
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22-Nov-2017