Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch

Ever wish you could give twice as much to your lawyer?

A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there’s a catch.”

“What catch?”

The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that - no problem!” replied the elated man.

“What’s your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie.

“Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.

“What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”

The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

Swift justice demands more than just swiftness. - Potter Stewart

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Canada is the homeland of equality, justice and tolerance. - Kim Campbell

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H L Mencken

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James Baldwin

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant

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