Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch

Ever wish you could give twice as much to your lawyer?


A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there’s a catch.”

“What catch?”

The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that - no problem!” replied the elated man.

“What’s your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie.

“Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.

“What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”


QuotaBills
Justice is truth in action. - Benjamin Disraeli

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Justice delayed is justice denied. - William Gladstone

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

The worst form of injustice is pretended justice. - Plato

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H L Mencken

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

My photographs don't do me justice – they just look like me. - Phyllis Diller

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs


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17-Aug-2018