New Years Resolutions You Can Keep
Eating cloned meat? Swimming with piranhas? These resolutions are 4U!
[Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never
keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some
resolutions that you can use as a starting point…]
- Break at least one traffic law.
- Buy an ’83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows
tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
- Create loose ends.
- Don’t believe politicians.
- Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
- Don’t eat cloned meat.
- Don’t have eight children at once.
- Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
- Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Gain weight. At least 40 pounds.
- Get further in debt.
- Get in a whole NEW rut!
- Get more toys.
- Mope about your own faults.
- Never make New Year’s resolutions again.
- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
- Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.
- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
- Read less. Makes you think.
- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
- Spend more time at work, surfing the web @ joe-ks.com.
- Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
- Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
- Start being superstitious.
- Stop bringing lunch from home - eat out more.
- Stop exercising. Waste of time.
- Take a vacation to someplace important - like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
- Wait for opportunity to knock.
- Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
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