[Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never
keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some
resolutions that you can use as a starting point…]
- Break at least one traffic law.
- Buy an ’83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows
tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
- Create loose ends.
- Don’t believe politicians.
- Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
- Don’t eat cloned meat.
- Don’t have eight children at once.
- Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
- Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Gain weight. At least 40 pounds.
- Get further in debt.
- Get in a whole NEW rut!
- Get more toys.
- Mope about your own faults.
- Never make New Year’s resolutions again.
- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
- Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.
- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
- Read less. Makes you think.
- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
- Spend more time at work, surfing the web @ joe-ks.com.
- Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
- Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
- Start being superstitious.
- Stop bringing lunch from home - eat out more.
- Stop exercising. Waste of time.
- Take a vacation to someplace important - like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
- Wait for opportunity to knock.
- Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
see also
Inspiration, New Years & Redneck Sections
Redneck New Year’s Resolutions
Redneck New Years Resolutions You Can Keep
 Arab Barking Lot |
 Mahmoud Plumbing |
 Suitcase Recycling |
 Group Photo |
 Drying Bats |
 Laughter Management |
 Muffler Hanger |
 Cadillac Bike |
 Instant Karma |
 Green Picnic Table |
 Father Sayings for Father's Day |
Veet Hair Removal |
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