Little Johnny is learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, “Look Mama! It’s a frickin’ Elephant!”
Deep breath... “What did you call it?”
“It's a frickin’ Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!”
... and so it does:
A F R I C A N Elephant
Ain’t phonics wonderful?
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker
A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin
I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli
Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers
All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow
I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand
I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. - Herb Caen
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - WC Fields
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy
Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie
One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown
The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt
I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost
They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro
Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown
Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain
If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes
The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
I'll love you, dear, I'll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon sing in the street. - W H Auden
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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