joe-ks.com

Purina Diet
Stepping down for the perfect diet

Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.”

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her, “No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.”

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetSmart won’t let me shop there anymore.


see also   Diet,  Dog,  Food  &  Shopping  Sections

College marching band kicks a field goal at half-time show
Football Stickman
Would you swap your wife for a season ticket?
Aussie Rules Football - Season Ticket
Hamburger of choice for Middle East diners
McLaden Burger
Where does Valentine's Day come after Easter?
Valentine Riddles
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Retro Cross #42
Word Search Puzzles
Something doesn't add up here...
Don't Count On It
On the cutting edge of unique decisions
I Do What I Want
Now On Sale for those who give a hoot!
2015 Hooters Owl Calendars (TWO)
Making your own path through a winter storm
Winter Kayaking
Wal-Mart takes the air out of inflated sporting goods
Patriots Ball Deflation
Advice for men when searching for a wife
Obedient Wife
Play split screen TV without splitting
Split Screen Viewing
Latest sujoCube 6D Puzzle: #14536
sujoCube 6D Sudoku
Bubba's Subaru isn't snowbound any more
Snowbaru
On the cutting edge of stump relocation
Tree Removal
ATV transportation to the Dark Side
Vadermobile
The best is yet to come!
Keep Your Fork
Submissions by Paul StaffordFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

01-Feb-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

The 'New' Economy
Pa Loves Women
Redneck Wheelchair Stro ...
Male Multitasker
Kingsford the Piglet Go ...
Fish Eye Lens
2015 Hooters Owl Calend ...
Just Saying Goodbye
Panama Canal Locks
Balanced Food Delivery
Why's - Things That Mak ...
Toronto Maple Leafs' Ne ...
Easter Tree
Aerobics Class For Seni ...
10 Most Wanted - Catchi ...
Computer's Organization ...
Home Depot Delivery
Death By Chocolate
Cherokee Chief Wisdom
How To Pill A Cat
Cursor Survival Puzzle
Bag Hang-Up
Can You Spot the Hidden ...
Dentist Bowling
Ice Cream Thief
Waiting For Windows To ...
Hammer King
Redneck Manicure
Why Americans Can't Fin ...
Gas Financing
Preacher's Ass
Kingsford the Piglet Go ...
Deer Friends - Fawn of ...
iPhone Evolution
Ultimate Manwich