Purina Diet
Stepping down for the perfect diet
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also
Diet Section
Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal
pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, 'No, I don't
have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.'
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it
was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your
pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel
hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to
try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me.
I told her, 'No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car
hit us both.'
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing
so hard. PetSmart won't let me shop there anymore.