joe-ks.com

Purina Diet
Stepping down for the perfect diet

Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.”

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her, “No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.”

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetSmart won’t let me shop there anymore.


see also   Diet,  Dog,  Food  &  Shopping  Sections

The real leaders of the pack!
Dog Marathon
Creating a home for the homeless in the bathroom
Sad TP
Countdown to a warm shower
Ruined Day
Hells Angels opens new Ibuprofen Chapter for elderly motorcyclists
Sons Of Arthritis
Rail-e good one-way transportation
A-track-tive Bike
New bathroom design
Shoe Bath
When a stuffed owl becomes the next best thing
Snowy Owl Substitute
Y'all know how things are settled in Texas?
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Now you can work at home!
Bicycle RV
Latest air safety guide: Do Not Exit Plane During Flight
Virtual Air Canada
Latest Sudoku Sampler Puzzles: #15003-06
Sudoku Sampler
Measuring up for the Indian Army
Best Chest Forward
Hand forged custom made tools for serious wood workers
Studley Tool Chest
He was a good clown
Clown Down
Giving people the power to share and make the world more con-nected
Hobo Facebook
Making it clear who should not be operating this machine
Aussie Safety Sign
Mary Lou would soon be closer to the wounded bear
Trip To The Emergency Room
Submissions by Paul StaffordFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

30-Jul-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

Dedicated Manager
Pilot's Seeing Eye Dog
PMS Center
The Power of Makeup
Redneck Beer Drinker
He Was Due For A Promot ...
Octopus Pasta
How To Bathe A Cat
Saskatchewan Rules
Train-ed Couple
Really?
'One Brick Short' Runwa ...
In Flanders Fields
Blonde Pole Dancer
Fortune Cookies - In Be ...
Mexico Electric
Pizza Melt
Walmart's Redneck Wine
Lean Two Transportation
Homer Escalator, Doh!
Nemo Found @ Japanese S ...
Garden Gnome
Animal Rebellion
Raise Twins
Bird Flu Prevention
Pizza Cutter
Pumpkin Pi
South African Handshake
Cat Printer
Easter Canceled
XL Safety Shoes
Fast Escape
Prison vs. Work
Meet My Dog
Newfie Christmas Tree