joe-ks.com

Purina Diet
Stepping down for the perfect diet

Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.”

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her, “No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.”

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetSmart won’t let me shop there anymore.


see also   Diet,  Dog,  Food  &  Shopping  Sections

 

Indian Fish Pond

Puppy Wheels

Head Path

How To Spot A Rich Guy

Same People

Spilled Milk

Redneck Lawn Mower Repair

About Grandparents

Costco Beach Towel

Jigsaw Sudoku Puzzles

French Kissing - Wise Advice

Travel Mints

Vote For Me

Reese Witherspoon

Trump Cat

Sound Advice

What Do You See? - Part III

Newfie Screech

Welfare State

SkeleChair
Submissions by Paul StaffordFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

30-Sep-2016