joe-ks.com

Purina Diet
Stepping down for the perfect diet

Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.”

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her, “No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.”

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetSmart won’t let me shop there anymore.


see also   Diet,  Dog,  Food  &  Shopping  Sections

What kind of pun-e ship would you sail on?
CensorShip
For those who feel and taste their wine
Insect Wine Glass
Would you like to add this to your daily commute?
Driving in Bolivia
Watch for a couch potato in the cycling lane
Office Bike
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Retro Cross #16
Word Search Puzzles
Everyday Exotic in the Middle East
Saudi Exotic Cuisine
Ever had to make ends meet while you stretch for your next meal?
Heavy Meal Deal
Coping with job stress
Chair Spin Day
Some playground equipment didn't pass safety inspection
Playground Mistakes
How I ground my kids
You Are Grounded
Standoff at the African watering hole
Serengeti Tug of War
Putting the 'air' in Jethro's aerodynamic bike
Turbo Bike
Why be too tired when you can be three tired?
Tire Trike
Premium emergency assistance for English golfers
Ambulance Caddy
Imodium Podium: why some athletes didn't make it to the podium
Fast Food in Beijing
It'll fit if I turn it sideways, right?
Side-Ways
They thought he would never get off the island...
Table Boat
Submissions by Paul StaffordFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

31-Jul-2014

QR Code

G'Oldies

Mr. Silent Killer Gas P ...
Sitting on the Hot Seat
Bud Light Beer Bunker
Norvegian Humour
Manitoba Health Care's ...
Garage Watchdog
Beltometer
Scented Owl
Odds of Winning a Canad ...
TP For Those With Money ...
CradleHood
Lightning Strikes - Twi ...
joe-ks.com Bar Code
Russian Beach
Las Vegas Church Donati ...
Mr. Flexible
Pawano Lessons
Coffee And Viagra
Fried Eggs
Polish Paramedics
Spot the Mistake
Extreme Soccer
Cliff Walks
Brave Seagull
World Cup Memories for ...
Tire On A Roll
Stunt Front End Loader
Original SUV
Woman's Computer
When A Sure Goal Is Not ...
Redneck Wheelchair Stro ...
The Joe-kster Working O ...
ER Patch
Sushi To Go
That's All Falks!