Scratch-Off Parking Tickets

A winner never whines. - Paul Brown

Parking is such street sorrow. - Herb Caen

Winners plan, prepare, and expect to win. - Zig Ziglar

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar. - Steven Wright

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Winners in life don't always win; they just don't give up. - Unknown

Life is a game show where the people who enjoy it are the winners. - Orson Bean

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

The most distinguishing feature of winners is their intensity of purpose. - Alymer Letterman

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

If you don't see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner. - Zig Ziglar

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. - Richard M Nixon

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Winners lose more than losers. They win and lose more than losers, because they stay in the game. - Terry Paulson

You were born to win. But to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win. - Zig Ziglar

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright