Chinese to English Translation

Sometimes you just hear what you want to hear


At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said, “Sex sex sex wan free sex for tonight.”

I replied, “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “What she really said was: 666136429.”



QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

I liked being a teenager, but I would not go back for all the tea in China. - Rob Lowe

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

Like a bull into a china closet. Like in that picture, "The Prince and The Porpoise." - Archie Bunker

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Living in China has made me appreciate my own country, with its tiny, ethnically diverse population of unassuming donut-eaters. - Jan Wong

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

I'll love you, dear, I'll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon sing in the street. - W H Auden

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


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25-May-2017