Taking Too Many Seats

How to remove an uncooperative old man at a concert

An elderly man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The responding officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied, “The balcony...”



QuotaBills
Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one. - Duke Ellington

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


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21-Aug-2019