Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Agree, for the law is costly. - William Camden

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Martial

A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker

Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain

If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. - Unknown

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Royal Knit Wit

Yoda-Churchill

My First Accident

Shopping With Grandma

Ink Birds

Ponge Bob

Bright Bookshelf

Let That Sink In

Lifting Heavy Objects

Black Friday Scam

Camel Photobomb

Leaky Pipes

Teabucks

CreepEye

Open For Business

Face Frost

Sleeping Guests

Garmin Drive

This Rocks

The Fall Of Adam
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

15-Nov-2018