Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker

The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

Writing laws is easy, but governing is difficult. - Leo Tolstoy

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker

What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

In Islam, the legislative power and competence to establish laws belong exclusively to God. - Ayatollah Khomeini

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin. - Charles Darwin

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
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Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
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Legal Assistance For All
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Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
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Negotiations Texas Style
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Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
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17-Feb-2019