Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

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20-Jun-2019