Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Water Rickshaw

That Way

Week Sales for the Weak

Hazardous Delivery

Nothing Can Compete With A Good Book

Camouflage Pro

Morning Paper

Diabetes Medication

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How To Prevent Cheating

Worst Job in the Army

Time Management

Melted Dog

Bible Bar

Shower Dog

Scottish Choices

Is Lunch Ready?

Food Bank Closure

Breakfast In Bed

'Turn Me Over' Pickup
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20-Aug-2018