Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Martial

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain

If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill

The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

Even when laws have been written down, they ought not always to remain unaltered. - Aristotle

If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey, he is obligated to do so. - Thomas Jefferson

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

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Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
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Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
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Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
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Legal Assistance For All
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Negotiations Texas Style
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No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
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26-Apr-2019