Darwin Almost Awards
1. When his
38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach,
California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.
2. Labourer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of tactlessness
when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife:
'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years'
3. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a
little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
4. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken
aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before
they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road,
where she was run over and killed by a passing car.
5. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked by killer bees
as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leapt into the river - and was
devoured by piranha fish.
6. A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from trees demonstrated a
pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt on to the shoulders of a passer-by in
Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off. The man was treated at a local hospital for
a sprained neck.
7. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. He shot her dead.
8. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered
everyone waiting in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
9. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last cigarette, on the
grounds that it is bad for their health.
10. An American teenager was in hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad
told the police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he lost it.
11. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Filipino man to 75 lashes for
possession of alcohol - after he was caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.
12. Following the initiatives of the Afghan Taliban government - which has banned
kite-flying, TV watching and wearing white socks - Iran is also cracking down on its more
decadent citizens. Ayatollah Mohammed Yadzi has decreed that dog walking is to be made
illegal, saying that taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public insult', as it was a
blind imitation of Westerners.