following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Some of the best humour is in the misspelling
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
Childhood is a wilderness. - Aspen Matis
Inspiration is remembering the future. - Unknown
Children are poor people's riches. - Unknown
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
Time is a game played beautifully by children. - Heraclitus
The best way to make children is to make them happy. - Oscar Wilde
Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown
The best thing to spend on your children is your time. - Louise Hart
I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins
I don't teach my children what is Hindu and what is Muslim. - Shah Rukh Khan
I continue to stay young, right? I produce children, I stay young. - Donald Trump
Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - Neil Postman
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett
Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna
The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden
Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us. - Golda Meir
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso
Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown
A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright
If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren
You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
Children raced outside. She surveyed their trail - traces of sticky fingerprints across everything, like wee poems. - Dr. SunWolf
Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson
The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori
We've got to work to save our children and do it with full respect for the fact that if we do not, no one else is going to do it. - Dorothy Height
Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh
If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali
Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller
In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia
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