Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife:  Special Treat for Her on Mother’s Day

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Newfies know how to cut their grass with hi-tech tools



Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer
and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so
upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy
*&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife
pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your
backside and give her a break!”

I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle
of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at
this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms,
“Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has
green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her
a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the
deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down
while mowing the lawn.

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives.
That way maybe they will take good care of us.

Riding Lawn Mower

I know - I’m too soft with her.
She’ll probably want gears on it next!


QuotaBills
Mother Superiority - Archie Bunker

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


see also   Mother’s Day,  Newfie  &  Shopping  Sections
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

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17-Jul-2018