Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife:  Special Treat for Her on Mother’s Day

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Newfies know how to cut their grass with hi-tech tools



Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer
and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so
upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy
*&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife
pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your
backside and give her a break!”

I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle
of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at
this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms,
“Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has
green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her
a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the
deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down
while mowing the lawn.

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives.
That way maybe they will take good care of us.

Riding Lawn Mower

I know - I’m too soft with her.
She’ll probably want gears on it next!


QuotaBills
Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

As a prize - a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher! - Unknown

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle. - Phyllis Diller

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


see also   Mother’s Day,  Newfie  &  Shopping  Sections
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

Wayne's Fish

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McLobster

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Reading Chair
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28-May-2018