Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife:  Special Treat for Her on Mother’s Day

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Newfies know how to cut their grass with hi-tech tools



Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer
and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so
upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy
*&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife
pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your
backside and give her a break!”

I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle
of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at
this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms,
“Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has
green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her
a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the
deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down
while mowing the lawn.

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives.
That way maybe they will take good care of us.

Riding Lawn Mower

I know - I’m too soft with her.
She’ll probably want gears on it next!


QuotaBills
Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Mitch Albom

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

They want people like your mother down there because they know they ain't got no pre-conscrewed ideas. - Archie Bunker

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


see also   Mother’s Day,  Newfie  &  Shopping  Sections
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

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Grandma's Beautiful Pies

Ode To A Turkey

How To Cook A Turkey
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23-Nov-2017