Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife:  Special Treat for Her on Mother’s Day

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Newfies know how to cut their grass with hi-tech tools



Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer
and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so
upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy
*&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife
pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your
backside and give her a break!”

I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle
of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at
this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms,
“Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has
green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her
a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the
deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down
while mowing the lawn.

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives.
That way maybe they will take good care of us.

Riding Lawn Mower

I know - I’m too soft with her.
She’ll probably want gears on it next!


QuotaBills
Mother Superiority - Archie Bunker

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's. - Princess Diana

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

As a prize - a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher! - Unknown

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. - Unknown

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy Fisher

There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

They want people like your mother down there because they know they ain't got no pre-conscrewed ideas. - Archie Bunker

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


see also   Mother’s Day,  Newfie  &  Shopping  Sections
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

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24-Sep-2018