Tandem Story – Prof’s E-mail Assignment
When differences of student’s opinion can lead to galactic rewards...
[Remember the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus”? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the
University of Phoenix – his assignment and a short story turned in by two of his
students…]
(Professor)
“Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or
her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to
me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when
both agree a conclusion has been reached.”
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile,
which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too
much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she
felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up
again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty
night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator.
“Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far...” But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of
nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the
direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently
Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The
news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with
no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
“Why must one lose one's
innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy
the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian
ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his
fist on the conference table. “We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!”
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing
are the literary equivalent of Valium.
“Oh,
shall I have chamomile tea? Oh no, I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too
many Danielle Steele novels!”
(Rebecca)
Jerk.
(Gary)
Cry baby.
(Rebecca)
YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
(Gary)
Go drink some tea.
(Professor)
A+... I really liked this!