It’s A Cracker

People from Down Under & the U.K. think this is hilarious



It's A Cracker

QuotaBills
Funny is an attitude. - Flip Wilson

Laugh it up, Fuzz ball. - Han Solo

Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx

Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Brevity is the soul of wit. - William Shakespeare

It's a funny old world. - Margaret Thatcher

Nobody ever died of laughter. - Max Beerbohm

Housekeeping ain't no joke. - Louisa May Alcott

Laughter is an instant vacation. - Milton Berle

Coincidences are spiritual puns. - G K Chesterton

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Pulled pork jokes never get old. - Joel Edgerton

If it gets laughs, it's funny. - Rachel Dratch

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. - Robert Frost

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live. - Milton Berle

I'm not funny. What I am is brave. - Lucille Ball

A day without laughter is a day wasted. - Charlie Chaplin

For every laugh there should be a tear. - Walt Disney

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

I would rather be called funny than pretty. - Nia Vardalos

Life in 2017: Living Happily Ever Laughter! - the Joe-kster

Not by wrath does one kill but by laughter. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think God has a tremendous sense of humor. - Rainn Wilson

My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial. - James Joyce

Make fun of menopause - laugh your flash off! - Kathy Cagney

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. - Arnold H Glasow

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. - WC Fields

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks

Comedy is society protecting itself - with a smile. - J.B. Priestley

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. - Tom Lehrer

Mountains aren't just funny. They are hill areas. - Unknown

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche. - Stephen Colbert

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. - Woody Allen

Menopause: you have to laugh or you'll end up crying. - Missa Says

If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him your plans. - Yiddish Proverb

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. - Marilyn Monroe

A sense of humour is the ability to laugh at one's self. - Charlie Chaplin

Tell me what you laugh at, and I'll tell you who you are. - Marcel Pagnol

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee

The best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous. - David Icke

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

My favorite romantic comedy is 'When Harry Met Sally.' - Ginnifer Goodwin

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. - Will Rogers

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself. - Ethel Barrymore

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off. - Unknown

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it. - Don Herold

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. - Charlie Chaplin

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. - Dr. Seuss

If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke. - Hugh Elliott

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. - William Hazlitt

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. - William Arthur Ward

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. - Doug Larson

The next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank A. Clark

I want to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. - William K Zinsser

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. - La Bruyere

The best ideas come from jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. - David Ogilvie

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? - George Carlin

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. - Martin Luther

What a fine comedy this world would be if one did not play a part in it. - Denis Diderot

Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter. - Joseph Addison

What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor. - Bernard Williams

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. - Milton Berle

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humour. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. - Mark Twain

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

My way of joe-king is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world. - George Bernard Shaw

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at. - Lyn Karol

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. - Allen Klein

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke? - Gore Vidal

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. - Clifton Fadiman

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. - Agnes Repplier

Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter. - Francoise Sagan

I've learned to have a sense of humor about myself. Lord knows everyone else does! - Debbie Gibson

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. - Max Eastman

You don't have to teach people to be funny, you only have to give them permission. - Harvey Mindess

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. - Robert Frost

I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me. - joe-kster

I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor. - Peter Segal

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing. - Ronnie Barker

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. - E.B. White

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought. - Lin Yutang

You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else. - Robert Louis Stevenson

There are three basic rules for great comedy. Unfortunately no-one can remember what they are. - Arthur Smith

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained. - John Powell

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. - Will Rogers

I don't think it's possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor. - Christopher Hitchens

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - the sinners are much more fun. - Billy Joel

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. - Bob Newhart

Humour is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them. - Lewis Mumford

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. - Alan Bennett

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice. - John Green

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey

You can't deny laughter. When it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. - Stephen King

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. - Norm Papernick

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. - Bob Hope

The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit; the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. - G K Chesterton

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Give me a Murphy bed, a Lazy Susan, a grandfather clock and a bulldog, and I will show you the meaning of comedy. - Jonathan Goldstein

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. - Marie Osmond

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. - Tina Fey

There's nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. - Eva Hoffman

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humor. - Ralph Inge

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

Milton, for sixty years you've entertained us, and you've made us laugh, and we say to you, 'Milton, do it again. - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - Clive James

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. - W H Auden

Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there. - Sergio Aragones

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. - James Thurber

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessamyn West

Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectation. - Norman Cousins

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved. - J. Russell Lynes

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. - Mark Twain


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22-Jan-2018