Donald Trump Visits Israel

Bypassing cheap Holy Land burial plan

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, “You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.”

The American Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a few minutes. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?”

The American Diplomats replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can’t take the risk.”

We need a great president. - Donald Trump

I love the poorly educated. - Donald Trump

Heidi Klum. Sadly, she's no longer a 10. - Donald Trump

Sorry, there is no STAR on the stage tonight! - Donald Trump

You have to think anyway, so why not think big? - Donald Trump

The first thing the secretary types is the boss. - Donald Trump

Part of the beauty of me is that I am very rich. - Donald Trump

Use those God-given assets and be sexy, at least to a point. - Donald Trump

Well, real estate is always good, as far as I'm concerned. - Donald Trump

I'm a bit of a P. T. Barnum. I make stars out of everyone. - Donald Trump

Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make. - Donald Trump

I wish she would be able to take responsibility for her failure. - Donald Trump

Don King is a big ... thief, and everyone in this room knows it. - Donald Trump

It's disgraceful. It's amazing they can get away with it. - Donald Trump

Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad. - Donald Trump

I'm worth far too much money. I don't need anybody's money. - Donald Trump

... that I own so much of it and most people thought I would never sell. - Donald Trump

Without passion you don't have energy, without energy you have nothing. - Donald Trump

She really has become a monster... I mean monster in the most positive way. - Donald Trump

There have been 11 copies of The Apprentice and every one of them has failed. - Donald Trump

People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me. - Donald Trump

I get called all these horrible names by Lindsey Graham, who I don't even know. - Donald Trump

I think it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard... in love with Adolph Hitler. - Donald Trump

Every time you walk down the street people are screaming, "You're fired!" - Donald Trump

If I was the governor of New Jersey, the George Washington Bridge would not have been shut. - Donald Trump

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