Afterlife Life

Fear that there is no heaven


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.

“Mary... Mary....”

“Is that you, Fred?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”

“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”

“Not exactly. I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”




QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

A root is a flower that disdains fame. - Kahlil Gibran

Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

Be brave, little rabbit. Take a chance. - Cherise Sinclair

In heaven an angel is nobody in particular. - George Bernard Shaw

Heaven never helps the man who will not act. - Sophocles

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. - Garrison Keillor

The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth - Lao-tzu

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

Paragorically, I will not let you ever talk about our sex life. - Archie Bunker

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten

Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse. - Miguel de Cervantes

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. - Rodney Dangerfield

Thank heaven for little girls, for little girls get bigger every day. - Allen Jay Lerner

O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else? And shall I couple Hell? - William Shakespeare

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker

Nothing arouses ambition so much as the trumpet clang of another's fame. - Baltasar Gracian

May you be in Heaven a full half hour before the Devil knows you're dead. - Irish Toast

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. - C S Lewis

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. - George Burns

I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. - Woody Allen

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

The mind is its own place, and it itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. - John Milton

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? - Bette Midler

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. - Woody Allen

Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got. - Sophia Loren

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson

Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it, and Hell where they already have it. - Ronald Reagan

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

We are in the world to laugh. In purgatory or in hell we shall no longer be able to do so. And in heaven it would not be proper. - Jules Renard


see also   Aging, History  &  Trivia  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before The Impact
Emotion Stew
Everything Men Know About Women
Hormone Guide
Keyboard Wedding
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Obedient Wife
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Understanding Women
Walker Buddies
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
World Peas

 

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20-Jul-2019