“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Dull women have immaculate homes. - Unknown

Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. - Oscar Wilde

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

I wore a thong and a bra and a wig. Those things hurt. I mean, thongs? Like, they dig in. It takes a tough man to be a woman. - Hank Azaria

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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20-Apr-2019