“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Women and elephants never forget. - Dorothy Parker

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. - Kathy Lette

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. - Debra Messing

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

As long as she thinks of a man, nobody objects to a woman thinking. - Virginia Woolf

Women with pasts interest men. They hope history will repeat itself. - Mae West

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

Blessed be Thou, our God and Lord of Hosts, who has not created me a woman. - Jewish Prayer

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience. - Mary Wollstonecraft

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. - Rita Rudner

There goes a woman who knows all the things that can be taught and none of the things that cannot be taught. - Coco Chanel

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful. - Donald Trump

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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16-Dec-2018