“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

A woman can keep one secret - the secret of her age. - Voltaire

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. - Will Rogers

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

That woman temptated me up there and you know she was a wonton woman. - Archie Bunker

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. - Robin Williams

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

I like the West. That's where men are men and women are women, and it's hard to beat a combination like that. - Milton Berle

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman - it depends on how much happiness you can handle. - George Burns

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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24-Jun-2019