“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
A woman's work is never done - by men. - Unknown

Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns. - Archie Bunker

Women would rather be right than reasonable. - Ogden Nash

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Women would not be prostitutes if it were not for men. - Baroness Vickers

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. - Debra Messing

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde

After all, inside every woman, no matter how grown up she is, there is still a frightened little girl. - Sergei Lukyanenko

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. - Donald Trump

Of the two lots, the woman's lot of perpetual motherhood, and the man's of perpetual babyhood, I prefer the man's. - Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

The widening of woman's sphere is to improve her lot. Let us do it, and if the world scoff, let it scoff - if it sneer, let it sneer. - Lucy Stone

Perhaps women have always been in closer contact with reality than men: it would seem to be the just recompense for being deprived of idealism. - Germaine Greer


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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21-Oct-2019