“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns. - Archie Bunker

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition. - Unknown

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you. - Groucho Marx

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Remember, we're fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! - Groucho Marx

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Can't figure women. Sometimes they're afraid of a spider, other times they're not afraid to stand right up to the devil. - Donal Harding

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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22-Feb-2019