at a major research institution recently discovered the heaviest element known to science
and have tentatively named it Administratium.
Administratium has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic number of 0.
Administratium does have, however, 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons,
and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are
held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called morons. They are surrounded by large quantities of lepton-like particles called
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the
recent study, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over 4 days to
complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second. Administratium has a
half-life of approximately 3 years. However, it does not decay in the usual way, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places, and most of the peons are let go.
Administratium's mass increases over time, since with each reorganization some of the
morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes, and attracting peons, often the
same peons from other isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion and peon attraction
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever
moron concentration reaches a certain level. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
the Critical Morass.
Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and, where it is allowed
to accumulate, can destroy any productive reactions. Attempts are being made to determine
how Administratium can be controlled to prevent such irreversible damage, but results have
not been promising.
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