Hollywood Squares Revisited
[These
are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are
now. These are from the old Hollywood Squares show in the 70's…]
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
A: (Charley Weaver): Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: (George Gobel): Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: (Don Knotts): That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really
attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: (Rose Marie): No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: (Charley Weaver): My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
A: (Vincent Price): No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
A: (George Gobel): I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are
talking?
A: (Rose Marie): You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll give you a
gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: (Paul Lynde): Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your
first year?
A: (Charley Weaver): Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: (Rose Marie): Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste ! to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is
politics. What is the other?
A: (Paul Lynde): Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: (Rose Marie): Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: (Marty Allen): Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A: (Paul Lynde): Make him bark.
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: (Paul Lynde): Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of
kissing a lot of people?
A: (Charley Weaver): It got me out of the army!
Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
A: (Paul Lynde): Why, that bitch!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!", what
does that mean?
A: (George Goebel): Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
A: (Paul Lynde): Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: (Charley Weaver): A divorcee.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do?
A: (George Gobel): Get it in his mouth.
Q: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie, "What's The
Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
A: (Charley Weaver): Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: (Paul Lynde): Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex?
A:(Charley Weaver): I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says
it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
A:(Marty Allen): Rhonda Fleming.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen
them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: (Charley Weaver): His feet.
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: (Paul Lynde): If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
A: (Paul Lynde): Only during ballet practice.