Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Toronto, Ontario who has a steady flow of customers from
the nearby junior high school. My parents live in a suburb of Brantford, and one
of my sisters, who lives in Calgary, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Barrie.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in
Orillia for the murder of a teenage boy in 1996. The other brother is currently
in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in
New Brunswick and is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel.
All things considered, my main problem is this: I love my fiancée and look
forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally honest
with her. Should I tell her about my cousin, who is a Leaf fan?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
Dear Abby:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym
teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go
everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come
out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby:
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby:
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby
I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby:
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two
years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the
cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby:
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him
with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby:
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a Good
Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby:
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now, how do I get out?
Dear Abby:
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for
two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby:
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one
night he came home sober.
Dear Abby:
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried
for years to get pregnant and couldn’t and he did it.
Dear Abby:
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental
pause.
Dear Abby:
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a
doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.
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