A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off.
Act your age.
Always say please and thank you - that way, you get more.
Am I talking to a brick wall?
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
Big boys don’t cry.
C’mon, you throw like a girl.
Coffee will stunt your growth.
Could those sleeves be any longer?
Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?
Do what I say, not what I do.
Do you think I’m made of money?
Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.
Don’t make me stop the car!
Don’t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
Don’t use that tone with me!
Don’t worry. It’s only blood.
Don’t you know any normal boys?
Enough is enough!
Get your elbows off the table.
Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
“Hey” is for horses.
Hurt much?
I didn’t feel a thing.
I don’t care what other people are doing - I’m not everybody else’s father!
I feel for you, but I can’t reach you from here.
I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn’t see what I was saying.
I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll...
If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.
If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.
I’ll play catch after I read the paper.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
I’m not watching television. I’m resting my eyes.
It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.
Men are like buses.
No, we’re not there yet.
Now you listen to ME, Buster!
Shake it off. It’s only pain.
Sit up straight!
So you think you’re smart, do you?
This is your last warning.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
What did I just get finished telling you?
What do you think I am, a bank?
What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
What part of NO don’t you understand?
What will other parents think?
What’s so funny?
When I was your age , I treated MY father with respect.
Who said life was supposed to be fair?
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wipe your feet!
Worrying about things you can’t change is like a rocking chair - it gives you
something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
You call that a haircut?
You call that noise “music”?
You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
You didn’t beat me. I let you win.
You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.
You look like a bag lady!
You should visit more often.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.
You’re not leaving my house dressed like that!
Your mother worries too much.
He wants his son to follow in his footprints. - Archie Bunker
I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman
My father was grounded, a very meat-and-potatoes man. He was a baker. - Anthony Hopkins
Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table is ready." - Robin Williams
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! - Lydia Child
The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes. - Tony Blair
Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it. - George Santayana
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
The Holy Father's newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on. - Archie Bunker
It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII
Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it. - Adolf Hitler
I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain
If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet. - Isaac B. Singer
There's an old saying, "Ya don't keep runnin' after you catch the bus." - Archie Bunker
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
Don't criticize what you don't understand, son. You never walked in that man's shoes. - Elvis Presley
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Failure is God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction." - Oprah
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good. - Stephen Colbert
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields
Cynics always so no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes. - Stephen Colbert
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
Yes and No are very short words to say, but we should think for some length of time before saying them. - Unknown
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing and that's all you'll ever find." - Robert J. Flaherty
I'm not saying I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world. - Tupac Shakur
The first minute we get something beautiful going you got a way of saying things that just, I dunno, breaks the whole spill. - Archie Bunker
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung
How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten
see also Quote Section
Father’s Day Selfie
Fatherly Advice
I Love Dad
“Must Have” Power Drill
Ways to say “Dad” in Different Languages
 Car Surgeon |  Just Blew It |  His Dent |  Cheat of the Year |  Divorce Defined |
 Paint Ladder |  Peopledarin |  Frozen Pipes in the Garage |  Attentive Student |  Corgi Snow Height |
 FishSun - Touching The Sun |  SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised |  Bach To Front |  Slamming On Your Brakes |  Trampoline Apartment |
 Radar Replacement |  UFO Caught On Tape |  Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings |  Camouflage Garage |  Aisle Cleanup |
22-Feb-2019 |