A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off.
Act your age.
Always say please and thank you - that way, you get more.
Am I talking to a brick wall?
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
Big boys don’t cry.
C’mon, you throw like a girl.
Coffee will stunt your growth.
Could those sleeves be any longer?
Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?
Do what I say, not what I do.
Do you think I’m made of money?
Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.
Don’t make me stop the car!
Don’t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
Don’t use that tone with me!
Don’t worry. It’s only blood.
Don’t you know any normal boys?
Enough is enough!
Get your elbows off the table.
Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
“Hey” is for horses.
I didn’t feel a thing.
I don’t care what other people are doing - I’m not everybody else’s father!
I feel for you, but I can’t reach you from here.
I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn’t see what I was saying.
I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll...
If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.
If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.
I’ll play catch after I read the paper.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
I’m not watching television. I’m resting my eyes.
It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.
Men are like buses.
No, we’re not there yet.
Now you listen to ME, Buster!
Shake it off. It’s only pain.
Sit up straight!
So you think you’re smart, do you?
This is your last warning.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
What did I just get finished telling you?
What do you think I am, a bank?
What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
What part of NO don’t you understand?
What will other parents think?
What’s so funny?
When I was your age , I treated MY father with respect.
Who said life was supposed to be fair?
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wipe your feet!
Worrying about things you can’t change is like a rocking chair - it gives you
something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
You call that a haircut?
You call that noise “music”?
You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
You didn’t beat me. I let you win.
You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.
You look like a bag lady!
You should visit more often.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.
You’re not leaving my house dressed like that!
Your mother worries too much.
A father is a banker provided by nature. - French Proverb
Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it. - Pierre Beaumarchais
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things. - Conan O'Brien
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex
Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!" - Robin Williams
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. - Jay London
A picture is worth a thousand words, but try saying that with a picture. - Unknown
The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes. - Tony Blair
Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell
The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli
My heart is happy, my mind is free.
I had a father who talked with me. - Hilde Bigelow
Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
The Holy Father's newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on. - Archie Bunker
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid. - Walter Winchell
I haven't taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week. - Mario Cuomo
One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy
That's what Abel was saying when he got it in the back from his own brother with a cane. - Archie Bunker
The most important thing my father taught me is that every man has to stand up for his rights. - Ziggy Marley
Failure is God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction." - Oprah
There's an old saying in Hollywood: It's not the length of your film, it's how you use it. - Ben Stiller
He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian - or Christ, for short. - Archie Bunker
I want to die like my father; peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers. - Bob Monkhouse
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth
What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein
In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar
To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. - Marlo Thomas
When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. - Darth Vader
How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader
Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten
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