[To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. The
following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a
hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.
You will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation...]
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye... Ruin sorbees... morny! Djewish to odor
G: Uh... yes... I’d like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ouw July den?
RS: Ouw July den?... pryd, boyd, poochd?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
RS: Ouw July dee baychem? Crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Hokay. An Sahn toes?
RS: An toes. July Sahn toes?
G: I don’t think so.
RS: No? Judo sahn toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know
what ’judo sahn toes’ means.
RS: Toes! toes!... Why djew Don Juan toes? Ouw bow
Anglish moppin we boter?
G: English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying
‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We boter?
G: No... just put the boter on the side.
G: I mean butter... just put it on the side.
RS: Copy... tea... mill?
G: Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.
RS: One Minnie. Scram egg, crease baychem, Anglish
moppin we boter on sigh and copy.... rye?
G: Whatever you say.
G: You’re very welcome.
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Good sayings are like pearls strung together. - Chinese Proverb
Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid
A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
We now communicate with everyone and say absolutely nothing. - Ted Koppel
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers
You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker
I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter
Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg
A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie
Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw
I want flowers, I don't want to text. What does that make me? What kind of dinosaur am I? - Jennifer Garner
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown
The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton
He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne
Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood
The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell
Good leaders must communicate vision clearly, creatively and continually. However, the vision doesn't come alive until the leader models it. - John C Maxwell
No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas
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