[To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. The
following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a
hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.
You will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation...]
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye... Ruin sorbees... morny! Djewish to odor
G: Uh... yes... I’d like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ouw July den?
RS: Ouw July den?... pryd, boyd, poochd?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
RS: Ouw July dee baychem? Crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Hokay. An Sahn toes?
RS: An toes. July Sahn toes?
G: I don’t think so.
RS: No? Judo sahn toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know
what ’judo sahn toes’ means.
RS: Toes! toes!... Why djew Don Juan toes? Ouw bow
Anglish moppin we boter?
G: English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying
‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We boter?
G: No... just put the boter on the side.
G: I mean butter... just put it on the side.
RS: Copy... tea... mill?
G: Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.
RS: One Minnie. Scram egg, crease baychem, Anglish
moppin we boter on sigh and copy.... rye?
G: Whatever you say.
G: You’re very welcome.
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien
What's another word for thesaurus? - Steven Wright
The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert
Poetry is what gets lost in translation. - Robert Frost
Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham
I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown
Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle
Synonym Bun: What a thesaurus eats for breakfast - Unknown
I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost
We now communicate with everyone and say absolutely nothing. - Ted Koppel
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart
Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright
The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach
Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard
Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman
Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown
Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt
Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown
Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton
No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas
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