Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.

see also   Religious  Section

B.C.'s Ultimate Singletrack Experience
Bike Race Selfie
Root-bound computer programming - online branch office
Enjoying Canada Day on B.C.'s Sunshine Coast
'Pier' Pressure
Standing room only, if you can stand it
Busy Train
When food is left unattended at the picnic table
Watermelon Treat
A well-balanced relationship on the farm
All the world's information in just two books
Business School Basics
Latest Music Sudoku Puzzle: #14925
Music Sudoku Puzzles
Some Doctors recommend one glass of red wine per day
Red Wine Diet
Dog breeds for children
My Dog is Bigger Than Me
Making your last Facebook post an internet splash
Shark Selfie
Why you should keep your legs closed while skydiving
Painfull Skydive
Dog obedience training in Texas
Gun Leash
Linemen electrical safety keeps you turned on
Lineman Support
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Potpourri #19
Word Search Puzzles
Passenger panic on a small commuter plane
Flying Blind
Bubba makes safety & comfort a priority in his car
Redneck Car Seats
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


How Not To Cut Your Wif ...
When You Need To Replac ...
Run Down Apartments
Best Way To Honor The F ...
Strange Sculptures
Super Bowl XL - For Big ...
How To Stump An Account ...
Birthday Cards for 2004
'Eat All You Want' Cafe
The Good Wife's Guide
How To Serve Chicken Wi ...
iPhone Evolution
When You're Stupid You ...
Dance Off Competition
Swallow Swallow
Don't Think About Sendi ...
When Life Gets You Down
Church Humour
Booger Queen
Bungee Mouse - Meal On ...
Give Her Crabs For Chri ...
Complaint Jar
Health Tips for Fat Fri ...
Japanese Haiku Windows ...
The Crocodiles Are Cryi ...
Personal Pool
Newspaper Bloopers
Coke Advertising Slogan ...
Mathematician's Truck
Can You Find the Hidden ...
Arms Race Dogfight
Sudoku Sampler
Hot Tub Boat
Essential Medical Infor ...
Tall Guy Bike
Skeleton Leaf Fan
Hot Dog or Warm Dog?
Terrapin Toss
Redneck Advent Calendar
Mennonite Movies
Redneck Artist
Redneck Wine Rack
Don't Drink And Climb
Why Stand In Line?
Hot Seat
Scratch-Off Parking Tic ...
Redneck Muffler Shop
A Woman's Poem
Fake Bake
Autumn Tree
Things That Took Me Ove ...
Duct Tape Rules - New M ...
Moojita Scale
Shopping Cart Hotplate
How Many Black Dots Do ...
Canada Frigate
Guitar Boat
Bring Me A Beer
Bring Me A Beer
Bullet Rings
Canada Storms on East a ...
Dental Checkup
Computer Wear - Sneaker ...
British Summer Installa ...
Bill Mailbox
Cookie Overdose
Pickup For Sale - Come ...
Dutch Soccer Fans
Mozart in Africa
Milk of Amnesia
Forgotten Easter Eggs
CCR Misheard Lyrics
Compact Fluorescent Cha ...
Windows For Cats