Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.

see also   Religious  Section

Some animals take too long to decide...
In Hind Sight
How to know when a woman is ticked off
Car Axident
Today's dog has it much better
Dining Dogs
How you can reach out to paint your own portrait
Reaching Out For Your Own Portrait
Downplaying depression in a yoga relationship
Zen For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
A pun-e place to find polka dots
Poca Dots High School
Home schooling for a barn owl
Owl and Owlette
Vegetarian violence
Innocent Plants
When your cat has one less tail to tell
Refrigerator Magnet
'How much deeper do I go until the boat floats?'
Redneck Boat Ramp
Hunting, Texas Style:  where vehicles are bigger than the game!
Texas Hunting Vehicle
Famous last words
Lost Inheritance
Puzzling floor system
Escher Floor
When your home reno takes a tile for the worse
Tile House
Unique parking spaces in Europe
Shopping Cart Car
Wet look in new bedding supplies
Real Waterbed
Blending in with the romp
This Dog Otter Know Better
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


Eye Examination Chart
Duck Doctor
Brain Warmer
The Bicycle Tree of Vas ...
You Want Change?
Hot Dogs
Original Homeland Secur ...
Blue Angels Trainees
Yesterday - Computer Ve ...
Downside Electric - 'Sh ...
The Wheels of Life
Microsoft Lebanon's New ...
French Kissing - Wise A ...
Heaven Can Weight
Maybe Shame Will Stop H ...
Amish Speed Wagon - NAS ...
Blonde's Cooking Diary
Redneck Recycling
The Joe-kster Working O ...
Chinese Shoelusion
Google Marathon Maps
Chicken, Fox and Grain ...
Is That God's Boy Over ...
How To Weigh Yourself C ...
Guarding The House
Don't Mess With My SS C ...
Marital Bliss
Bad Luck Kayaker - This ...
Church Wedgie
Colour Pencils
Police Car Of The Year
Sleeping Pets on Dog an ...
Sitting On The Throne - ...
Golf Tips
Cold Hearted Women @ Th ...
Puffin Walk
Waterfront Dining
Green Beards
Home Library
Fish Walker
Grad Prom in a Stretch ...
Short NFL Quarterbacks
Leaf Blower for Sale
Mission Statement Gener ...
The Dangers of Veranda ...
Female And Male Brains
Maid Dust
'Take Your Kid To Work' ...
Surf-In Lunch Snack
Son's Cookie Scale
Hot Dogs
Husband Makes Lunch
'Twas The Night Before ...
www: Wagtail Windscreen ...
a real Bald Eagle
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Women Pro Golfers
Season's Greetings from ...
Redneck Skiing
Redneck Outhouse Poetry
Every Cat Should Own A ...
Hungry Pumpkin
Public Toilet
'Beer On Tap' Bike
Bear vs. Cows
Baseball for the Inmate ...
Summer in Saskatchewan
Heavenly Round Of Golf
Ukrainian Air Condition ...
Southern Emergency
Bird Plane
Apocryphal Metaphors fr ...