Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.

see also   Religious  Section

Latest Samurai Sudoku Puzzle: #14612-16
Samurai Sudoku Puzzles
The sun doesn't go down - it goes sideways
Sun Wagon
Mom, the dog's digging in the yard again...
Digger Dog
Some schools hire ex-grads for improvements
Shcool Crossing
How Jethro planned to win the next Alabama Shopping Spree
Speed Shopping
Preparing a 30' X 30' TV dinner out of snow
Front Yard TV Dinner
Finding a good resting place
Dog Sitters
Mini car and mini van on a mini tour
Europe Road Trip
How to deal with inferior male sheep
Sheep Fries
Putting the Play back into Playgrounds
Original Play Station
How Bubba welcomes mice in his house
Redneck Mousetrap
Latest Symbol Sudoku Puzzle: #14610
Symbol Sudoku Puzzles
What's moving - your head or the drawing?
Moving Dot Illusion
How to take the wind out of one's sail
Surprise Announcement
New digital clock for the deaf and hearing impaired
Visual Alarm Clock
The ins and outs of spaghetti slurping
Spaghetti Digest
Days when Jethro is easier to handle than the poodle
Walking The Dog
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


CPU Tree
Beer Nuts vs. Deer Nuts
Police Penance - Find t ...
Bud Light Beer Bunker
Sick Pumpkin
Florida's Retired Biker ...
Firewood Tree
Cat Crossing - Proceed ...
Little White Lies @ the ...
Smile For The Day
Ogden Nash Quotes
Bathroom Thigns
Bear's Submarine Patrol
Secret of Success
Recession Cutbacks
Foul Blow
Cross Cats
TP Dog
World's Ugliest Dog
Sports Hernias
Hunters Know Their Prio ...
Chinese Watermelon Scul ...
Amish Centerfold
Redneck Dictionary
Shoveling Snow With Cla ...
Catalogue Shopping
Can You Do This?
Living With A Blonde
Going Nowhere in Irelan ...
Reading Between The Lin ...
Mission Statement Gener ...
Blonde's Dogs
Vintage Circular Motorc ...
Sentenced to Hard Labou ...
Sunbathing on a Korean ...
Food For Thought
Redneck Driving Instruc ...
Hunter's Dream Wedding
Cat Therapist
Pour Woman's Dress
Ring Leader
2011 Miss TSA Calendar
Pregnant Ref
Female And Male Brains
Winning Lottery Numbers
Florida Moves Out Of Hu ...
Breakfast Dance - Shaki ...
Life Sucks
Without 'Me' It's Just ...
One Square Meal A Day
Law of Emotion
Apartment For Rent
Socket To Me
Bullet Rings
Hooked On Classics by t ...
How To Weigh Yourself C ...
Knowing Scripture Can S ...
Dog Named Salesman
Men Are The Same At Any ...
Ultimate Back Scratcher
Moonie Coin
Flare Guns and Skydivin ...
Beauty of Mathematics
Tree Artists
Bike Chaser
Patience and Wisdom
Why's - Things That Mak ...
Help Support an NHL Pla ...
Horse Model
Frozen Fish
New Drugs For Women
Mathematician's Truck
Just Divorced
Subway Swing