Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. - Aesop

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

There is nothing which we receive with so much reluctance as advice. - Joseph Addison

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek. - Dan Rather

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
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Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
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22-Aug-2017