Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. - Aesop

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Many receive advice, but only the wise profit from it. - Syrus

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

I'm Southern, so alligator tail is pretty interesting and yummy. - LeAnn Rimes

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. - Mark Twain

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice. - Unknown

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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23-Jun-2018