Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
Whatever your advice, make it brief. - Horace

I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Many receive advice, but only the wise profit from it. - Syrus

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

I'm Southern, so alligator tail is pretty interesting and yummy. - LeAnn Rimes

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek. - Dan Rather

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. - Mark Twain

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

I spent most of my 20s with these alligator wrestlers in the swamps of South Florida. - Karen Russell

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice. - Unknown

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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14-Dec-2017