Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
The worst men often give the best advice. - Francis Bacon

I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. - Aesop

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. - Bill Haley

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm Southern, so alligator tail is pretty interesting and yummy. - LeAnn Rimes

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

People advising others often forget that the same advice applies to their life as well. - Anuj Somany

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it. - Jack Nicholson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

When a man won't listen to his conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total stranger. - Lindsey Stewart

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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22-Oct-2017