Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
Whatever your advice, make it brief. - Horace

The worst men often give the best advice. - Francis Bacon

See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. - Bill Haley

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

I'm Southern, so alligator tail is pretty interesting and yummy. - LeAnn Rimes

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek. - Dan Rather

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. - Mark Twain

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

I spent most of my 20s with these alligator wrestlers in the swamps of South Florida. - Karen Russell

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

People advising others often forget that the same advice applies to their life as well. - Anuj Somany

Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it. - Jack Nicholson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice. - Unknown

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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30-Mar-2017