Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
Whatever your advice, make it brief. - Horace

Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

I'm Southern, so alligator tail is pretty interesting and yummy. - LeAnn Rimes

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek. - Dan Rather

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. - Mark Twain

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

Advice from your friends is like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. - Unknown

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

I spent most of my 20s with these alligator wrestlers in the swamps of South Florida. - Karen Russell

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

People advising others often forget that the same advice applies to their life as well. - Anuj Somany

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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22-Sep-2019