Following Doctor's orders can be a 'lard tunderin' experience...
A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his
Doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the Newfie returned, he shocked the Doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds!
“Why, that's amazing!” the Doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The Newfie nodded. “I'll tell you though, by the lard tunderin, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skippin'!”