Old Folks' Perks
How to increase the heart rate of an aging husband...
Q: What can a man do while his
wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory
storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter
antique stores?
A: “I
remember these.”
Perks of Being Over 60
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to payoff.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of brain cells are finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list .
20. You notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience...