Sorry About The Mess

“Housekeeper of the Year” award goes to...


This is a Houston apartment, found during a recent hurricane evacuation
inspection. By the looks of the stained couch cushions, she didn’t move
very far from here. This is NOT hurricane damage -
the apartment was found this way prior to the hurricane.
House hoarders - saving room for cigarette butts

Hard to believe there wasn’t a fire with all the cigarettes.
Did this woman ever hear of an ashtray? Nope - empty soda cups will do...
House hoarders - room full of garbage



All the Febreze, Clorox and bleach in the world isn’t going to help this mess!
House hoarders - kitchen leftovers

NOOOOOOOOO - not the computer!!!
House hoarders - computer cigarette butts

Notice the small “butt free” area around the bottom of the mouse where her
hand rubbed the mouse pad, and what keys on the keyboard that were used...
House hoarders - computer keyboard butts

Here come the gross parts...
House hoarders - bathroom butts

I’m sure she had intentions of cleaning, but probably put it off till tomorrow...
House hoarders - more bathroom butts

I don’t want to even think what that pile on the sink is...
House hoarders - and more bathroom butts and garbage

Always room for more pizza and do-nuts!
House hoarders - leftover food bonanza

House hoarders - mountain of garbage

Remember when you last said to a visitor,
“Sorry about the mess, I haven’t done my cleaning yet today!”
After looking at this, it’s safe to say that your house is not so bad after all...

QuotaBills
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I should just go home and ride my tractor. - Chuck Grassley

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? - Will Rogers

Television has brought back murder into the home... where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

Don't ya know it's bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home? - Archie Bunker

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

All things that people take home from the store become part of their identities. - David Masten

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

A half finished shawl left on the coffee table isn't a mess; it's an object of art. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell


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19-Feb-2018