Sorry About The Mess

“Housekeeper of the Year” award goes to...


This is a Houston apartment, found during a recent hurricane evacuation
inspection. By the looks of the stained couch cushions, she didn’t move
very far from here. This is NOT hurricane damage -
the apartment was found this way prior to the hurricane.
House hoarders - saving room for cigarette butts

Hard to believe there wasn’t a fire with all the cigarettes.
Did this woman ever hear of an ashtray? Nope - empty soda cups will do...
House hoarders - room full of garbage



All the Febreze, Clorox and bleach in the world isn’t going to help this mess!
House hoarders - kitchen leftovers

NOOOOOOOOO - not the computer!!!
House hoarders - computer cigarette butts

Notice the small “butt free” area around the bottom of the mouse where her
hand rubbed the mouse pad, and what keys on the keyboard that were used...
House hoarders - computer keyboard butts

Here come the gross parts...
House hoarders - bathroom butts

I’m sure she had intentions of cleaning, but probably put it off till tomorrow...
House hoarders - more bathroom butts

I don’t want to even think what that pile on the sink is...
House hoarders - and more bathroom butts and garbage

Always room for more pizza and do-nuts!
House hoarders - leftover food bonanza

House hoarders - mountain of garbage

Remember when you last said to a visitor,
“Sorry about the mess, I haven’t done my cleaning yet today!”
After looking at this, it’s safe to say that your house is not so bad after all...

QuotaBills
An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. - Babe Ruth

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? - Will Rogers

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

Don't ya know it's bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home? - Archie Bunker

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

Strength of character may be learned at work, but beauty of character is learned at home. - Henry Drummond

Maybe I'd like to run around the house my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan


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17-Jan-2017