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Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Life itself still remains a very effective therapist. - Karen Horney

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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22-Oct-2017