Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Always speak the truth. - George Washington

A light heart lives long. - William Shakespeare

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible. - Jane Austen

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore

Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are. - Richard Le Gallienne

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

For those who seek it, there is inexhaustible evidence of an all-pervading intelligence. - Richard E Byrd

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring. - Liz Armbruster

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. - Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms. - Terence McKenna


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Dog Lookout

India Road Assistance

ZipHer

Samurai Sudoku Puzzles C

Lucky Calf

Moose Camouflage

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Douglas Fir Log Home

Nutcracker Suite - Chinese Version

Clever Weather Billboard

Street Cheerleader

I'm So Old

Ear Chip

Big Basketball Fan

Dog Named Salesman
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

20-Apr-2018