Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. - Salvador Dali

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus

Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

If you want to lead the people, you must first speak to their eyes. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and it's gone. - Unknown

Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are. - Richard Le Gallienne

I have a feeling my Check Liver Light may come on this weekend. - Unknown

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. - Hans Hofmann

It is worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things. - Samuel Johnson

Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart. - Mother Teresa

We have been too long in darkness. Once already we have been in the light, and we want it again. - Alexander Dubcek

Our friend Chewy doesn't speak much, but he chews a lot of tobacco so we call him Chewbacco. - Michael Diack

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him. - Niccolo Machiavelli

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. - Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr.

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

Disability is a way of getting some extremity, some kind of very difficult situation, that throws an interesting light on people. - Mark Haddon

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms. - Terence McKenna

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. - Voltaire


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Nothing Can Compete With A Good Book

Camouflage Pro

Morning Paper

Diabetes Medication

India Plumbers

How To Prevent Cheating

Worst Job in the Army

Time Management

Melted Dog

Bible Bar

Shower Dog

Scottish Choices

Is Lunch Ready?

Food Bank Closure

Breakfast In Bed
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20-Aug-2018