Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

You can't be a smart cookie if you have a crumbly attitude. - Unknown

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Ehrlich

The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it. - Lord Bacon

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore

Someone has to stand up and speak for the freedoms of the little guy. - Christopher Monckton

The arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. - Ken Burns

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. - Bono

It is worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things. - Samuel Johnson

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

It's easy to get a reputation for wisdom. It's only necessary to live long, speak little and do less. - P.D. James

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. - George Jessel

Conquer the world by intelligence, and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it. - Bertrand Russell

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

You don't have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire. - Shannon L. Alder

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

You can tell it's good if you light it and a blue flame comes up; that means it's good moonshine and it won't make you go blind. - Johnny Knoxville

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Sorry Tree

Air Meal

Jet Ski Transport

Sock Anatomy

Table Head Wireless

Dates For Everyone

Different Drugs

Clear View

Dog Hates Junk E-Mail

When You Gotta Go

Grillin' Down South

Balled Up

Blind (Braille) Sudoku Puzzles

Glassman

Family Picture
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25-May-2017