Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
A light heart lives long. - William Shakespeare

Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far. - Theodore Roosevelt

The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi

To sway an audience, you must watch them as you speak. - C. Kent Wright

In California you lose a point off your IQ every year. - Truman Capote

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives. - William Leahy

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but to see quickly how to make them good. - Bertolt Brecht

When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to thee, look on his mouth. - Benjamin Franklin

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Architecture is the learned game, correct and magnificent, of forms assembled in the light. - Le Corbusier

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. - Plato

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed. Of thee I sing. - Archie Bunker

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

No matter how well you perform, there's always somebody of intelligent opinion who thins it's lousy. - Laurence Olivier

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. - George Jessel

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. - Blaise Pascal

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

Creativity is not intelligence, it is the ability to do what you did not know through the use of what you know. - Michael B. Johnson

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. - Milton Berle

Mere colour, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways. - Oscar Wilde

Disability is a way of getting some extremity, some kind of very difficult situation, that throws an interesting light on people. - Mark Haddon

We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

Art owes its origin to nature. This beautiful creation supplied the first model, while the original teacher was that divine intelligence. - Giorgio Vasari

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

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17-Jan-2019