Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ. - Sandra Bernhard

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi

Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence. - Spanish Proverb

An intelligent enemy is better than an ignorant friend. - African Saying

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus

He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

If you want to lead the people, you must first speak to their eyes. - Napoleon Bonaparte

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

I have a feeling my Check Liver Light may come on this weekend. - Unknown

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

Truly intelligent men know better than to take themselves too seriously. - Unknown

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. - Emily P. Bissell

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. - Hans Hofmann

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

You can have brilliant ideas, but if you cannot get them across, your ideas will not get you anywhere. - Lee Iacocca

Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. - Donald Trump

The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. - William James

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. - Milton Berle

We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill

In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

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14-Dec-2017