Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

I cannot think of a single one, not even intelligence. - Enrico Fermi

I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings

What's done in the dark will be paraded in the light. - Charles Wynn

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

The sunshine of life is made up of very little beams that are bright all the time. - Dr. John Aiken

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Architecture is the learned game, correct and magnificent, of forms assembled in the light. - Le Corbusier

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

It is worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things. - Samuel Johnson

We have been too long in darkness. Once already we have been in the light, and we want it again. - Alexander Dubcek

Our friend Chewy doesn't speak much, but he chews a lot of tobacco so we call him Chewbacco. - Michael Diack

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. - Blaise Pascal

Conquer the world by intelligence, and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it. - Bertrand Russell

Creativity is not intelligence, it is the ability to do what you did not know through the use of what you know. - Michael B. Johnson

However brilliant an action may be, it should not be accounted great when it is not the result of a great purpose. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Canadian Kiss

Eiffel Tower Crane

Alice In Hulaland

Museum Charge

ManHole

Unstable Ladder

Aussie Hot Tub

Vinyl Siding

Rethink Your Drink

Brewery Motorcycle

Pothole Lifeguard

How Russians Play Chess

French Army Knife

Just Lettuce Know

First Shipment
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17-Oct-2018