Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Always speak politely to an enraged Dragon. - Steven Brust

Think with the few and speak with the many. - Baltasar Gracian

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - H L Mencken

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch. - Jack Nicholson

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at. - Tina Fey

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter. - Francoise Sagan

When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to thee, look on his mouth. - Benjamin Franklin

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. - William James

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Joburg Police

Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table
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22-Oct-2019