Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Always speak politely to an enraged Dragon. - Steven Brust

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. - David A. Schmaltz

How do I learn to speak when silence is all I know? - Susie Clevenger

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. - Chinese Proverb

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

The merry year is born, like the bright berry from the naked thorn. - Hartley Coleridge

I have a feeling my Check Liver Light may come on this weekend. - Unknown

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffet

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. - Hans Hofmann

The same hot lightning that burns your blood with passion–– cools your fears with peace. - Aberjhani

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. - Bono

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

Creativity is not intelligence, it is the ability to do what you did not know through the use of what you know. - Michael B. Johnson

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how. - Ann Patchett

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind. - T S Eliot

If I were a flower,
humming bird would be my favourite bee
And If I were blind,
the light of darkness I'd love to see - Munia Khan

You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms. - Terence McKenna

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

You can tell it's good if you light it and a blue flame comes up; that means it's good moonshine and it won't make you go blind. - Johnny Knoxville

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Foot Wear

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Cat Extension

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21-Feb-2018