Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Always speak politely to an enraged Dragon. - Steven Brust

People who boast about their IQ are losers. - Stephen Hawking

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale

The arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. - Ken Burns

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffet

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to thee, look on his mouth. - Benjamin Franklin

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

The same hot lightning that burns your blood with passion–– cools your fears with peace. - Aberjhani

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. - Plato

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

It's easy to get a reputation for wisdom. It's only necessary to live long, speak little and do less. - P.D. James

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Creativity is not intelligence, it is the ability to do what you did not know through the use of what you know. - Michael B. Johnson

It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how. - Ann Patchett

However brilliant an action may be, it should not be accounted great when it is not the result of a great purpose. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

If I were a flower,
humming bird would be my favourite bee
And If I were blind,
the light of darkness I'd love to see - Munia Khan

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Art owes its origin to nature. This beautiful creation supplied the first model, while the original teacher was that divine intelligence. - Giorgio Vasari

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind

The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn and shine with increasing clearness on your path. - Jim Rohn


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Student Food Strainer

Shark Circles

Topographic Sink

Rock Watcher

We Call It Lake

Single Men For Long-Term Commitment

Sitting Just Off Center

Dentist Bowling

Maybe Shame Will Stop Her

Penalty Shot

Puppy Taco

On The Edge

Laptop Cooler

Bruce Lee Coffee

Stealth Cat
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23-Jun-2018