Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Numb the dark and you numb the light. - Brene Brown

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. - David A. Schmaltz

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

If you want to lead the people, you must first speak to their eyes. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - Ernest Hemingway

One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter. - Francoise Sagan

For those who seek it, there is inexhaustible evidence of an all-pervading intelligence. - Richard E Byrd

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

You can have brilliant ideas, but if you cannot get them across, your ideas will not get you anywhere. - Lee Iacocca

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

Like a morning dream, life becomes more and more bright the longer we live, and the reason of everything appears more clear. - Jean Paul Richter

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

If I were a flower,
humming bird would be my favourite bee
And If I were blind,
the light of darkness I'd love to see - Munia Khan

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

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22-Mar-2019