Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. - Kahlil Gibran

Our children are only as brilliant as we allow them to be. - Eric Micha'el Leventhal

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. - Chinese Proverb

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

I have a feeling my Check Liver Light may come on this weekend. - Unknown

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter

For those who seek it, there is inexhaustible evidence of an all-pervading intelligence. - Richard E Byrd

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It is worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things. - Samuel Johnson

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

It's easy to get a reputation for wisdom. It's only necessary to live long, speak little and do less. - P.D. James

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales. - Albert Einstein

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

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16-Jul-2019