Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
A light heart lives long. - William Shakespeare

Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

Imagination is intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. - David A. Schmaltz

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

I cannot think of a single one, not even intelligence. - Enrico Fermi

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

You can't be a smart cookie if you have a crumbly attitude. - Unknown

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light. - Jennie Jerome Churchill

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

Architecture is the learned game, correct and magnificent, of forms assembled in the light. - Le Corbusier

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. - Winston Churchill

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps. - Christopher Columbus

Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. - Donald Trump

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. - Blaise Pascal

Conquer the world by intelligence, and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it. - Bertrand Russell

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

There is a plan to this universe. There is a high intelligence, maybe even a purpose, but it's given to us on the installment plan. - Isaac Bashevis Singer

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Baseball Chair

It's All About Attitude

Friendly Neigh-bours

Stratus Sphere

iBola

Rust-ic Truck

Handicap Swing

How To Become A Pirate

Baby Sidecar

Sudoku Sampler D

Duck Down

SAMcakes

Window View

Very Left Turn Driver

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18-Oct-2017