Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Always speak the truth. - George Washington

Many hands make light work. - Unknown

Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Eleanor Roosevelt

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it. - Lord Bacon

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - Ernest Hemingway

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. - James Thurber

For those who seek it, there is inexhaustible evidence of an all-pervading intelligence. - Richard E Byrd

Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. - Emily P. Bissell

The same hot lightning that burns your blood with passion–– cools your fears with peace. - Aberjhani

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. - Mark Twain

Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. - Donald Trump

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how. - Ann Patchett

However brilliant an action may be, it should not be accounted great when it is not the result of a great purpose. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

There is a plan to this universe. There is a high intelligence, maybe even a purpose, but it's given to us on the installment plan. - Isaac Bashevis Singer

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Art owes its origin to nature. This beautiful creation supplied the first model, while the original teacher was that divine intelligence. - Giorgio Vasari

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Soccer Ball Building

Redneck Foosball

Her Majesty's Service

Hand Art

Iron Deposit

Too Soon

Government Cutbacks

Abby's Wild Eyes

Redneck Gas Cap

Footlympics

How To Burn Calories

Grad Hands

2fer Sudoku Puzzles A

Eye Testing In Progress

PMS
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22-Aug-2017