Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - H L Mencken

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at. - Tina Fey

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. - Kahlil Gibran

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.

The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it. - Lord Bacon

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are. - Richard Le Gallienne

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. - Winston Churchill

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. - George Jessel

Conquer the world by intelligence, and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it. - Bertrand Russell

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

Remembering that each of us will take our turns in darkness and in light, let us be light for one another when the darkness falls. - Unknown

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. - Voltaire

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain

Eddie Reward

Got Them All

Owlvis Presley

Motorcycle Limo

Runaway Tree

Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots
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23-May-2019